speaking with the grandmother

I have never really had grandmothers, I mean obviously my parents have mothers, and technically I do, but the role of them has always been fairly vaccant. 

I had a woman in my life for too short of a time called Betty, I am sure I have written about her before, she has passed, long before i had kids. My mothers mom she has always had dementia, and also has passed. 

This brings us to my fathers mom, her name is Helen.

She is alive, and able to travel and converse, she is healthy for the most part, and yet she has never been a part of our lives. 

The last time I saw her was in 2000. I think that was the last time we had spoke, well until yesterday it was. 

I have gotten to know a little more about her, and well it turns out we have things in common. 

She was a psych nurse, and cared for her husband for many years at home.

See any similarities?

Well, I called her to invite her to the wedding in August, I have the oppertunity to get free airfare for her through the va if I want it. (btw if anyone wants to fly to see me, I think I can arrange it.) So I called and asked. She had no clue who I was. Why should she? Her and I were talking and we seem to have quiet a bit in common, like intellegence, and our ability to understand things on a deeper level. She understands autism and ptsd, and caregiving. You would think, would think we could be friends?

I don’t know. I really don’t, she has always rejected us because she does not enjoy my mother. She has her reasons, and they are valid. Don’t get me wrong, she is entitled to them, but to hate us, to hate me because she doesn’t like my mother is just unjust perhaps? She has 3 great grandchildren she doesn’t even know. Heck, she doesn’t even know me. 

It is all so baffling.

I have begun to fret that maybe I am too much like her. Maybe there will be some fatal character flaw in me as well, and I will not care about my children or grandchildren or great-grandchildren? 

No, I can’t be like her, I can and will make the choice to be different, we can have similariies, but I am not her. I never will be. 

Will we ever have a relationship? I doubt it, she is too old and set in her ways, and somethigns like her character are too hard to change.

I hope maybe we can find common ground one day, like I said we have lots in common and I welcome the insight and wisdom that comes with age and experience. 

WHo knows if she will fly out, and who knows if she will ever want to speak again. It is a hard realization that your own grandmother doesn’t like you and doesn’t even know you

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