So yes…

 So yes, it seems for the moment I am pregnant. 

No, this was not planned, or expected, nor were we even trying. 

I wasn’t even sure I was ovulating. I wasn’t even sure I had ovulated. If I did I think it was the first time since he was born. My cycles have been wonky for a month or 2, not really periods, but spotting. 

No I have no clue how far I am. 

No I don’t have a due date. Although I am going to guess maybe around Febuary or March.

I haven’t called the doctor, because frankly, I don’t know who to call. Do I call a midwife? Do I call an OB? Do I call a homebirth midwife? I know a midwife is safe, but insurance companies may not always agree. 

I am worried I will get sick, I haven’t so far. A little gaggy, but not sick. I have faith that it wont be as bad this time.This headache is bothering me. My BP is still higher from Sabastian, and it is concerning to me. I am not sure what will be happening with it. If it doesn’t go down I will have to call sooner than later. 

I am not sure how I feel. We haven’t told well anyone outside of here. I am afraid too. It is so soon after Sabastian it is embarassing to me. 

I am not sure what the heck will happen with school. I mean I have t finish, but gosh darnit this is slowing things down. 

I am worried how this will effect Sabastian and nursing. I need to at least nurse him another 10 weeks or so to make it to 1 year, but I am hoping to just tandem nurse them both. 

I am worried that Sabastain won’t be the baby for as long as I want him to be, and he will quickly be shoved aside, and become the dreaded middle child. 

I am anxious about it all. There is always the fear I won’t stay pregnant, but then what if I do? It is a scary place to be. 

I have faith this will be my typical child. 

I find the timing funny, it certainly isn’t my ideal plan, but you know what happens when we make plans.

I did tell Travis. He is well Travis. Not happy, and avoiding it. For him he knows not to get his hopes up.

I haven’t told Samara, and I don’t want to until I know if it is viable.

I am worried how him family will take it they are often so negative, and told us we are all done. (as if they have a say.)

I worry this means my sil will try to get pregnant now too. It seems she has to do everything I do.

I have a feeling this may be my little girl I dream of. The one I have always seen in my dreams, and I can’t wait to see her.  

So yes… This is a scattered entry with scattered thoguhts. 

Discuss if you like