Sad

 Well the week, it has been a test in patience on my behalf. 

Monday morning I took Travis to the vet center where he ageed to twice weekly counseling (one with me and one without) and twice weekly group. 

I am convinced he is depressed, he states he isn’t happy, doesn’t laugh and forgets what fun is. That makes me sad. Really sad for him. I have fun, and I am sad that he states he doesn’t. His ptsd is something that he choses to ignore and then blame, he is the victim in his mind, and I want him to change that. 

I gained some insight to his mind, but the truth is, I know him better than he knows him. I know exactly what is wrong with him, know how to treat him, and could dx him. In a few years I can actually dx him with things. 

He finished school last night, but has been laid off so much he is behind 1200 hours. That is another year of working straight. Sigh.. 

I told him I need him to get better with the kids, because when I go back to work he can be the stay at home parent. It could work. Physically it could be his answer, I just need to be able to trust him. And I need to know he can homeschool all three of them. 

Maybe things are getting better? Maybe they are not. Things are 2 steps foreward 3 steps back around here. 

I have poured myself into cleaning the house. I am not sure when but soon there will be a va housing inspection. Sigh, even as civilians they find a way to check up on my inadequaces. 

Tuesday is the last day of school for Samara, and then, well then life calms down and we only have aba 4 days a week and we only have in home therapy 2 days a week, it will be like a vaccation. 

I am doing fine, I promise. 

Ahh… I hear Sirris, its not like it is time to be sleeping or anything.