On increasing meltdowns

 I was tired and I wrote random craziness in my last entry and you all know me well enough to not notice, well played OD well played.

i am getting a B in my religion class, not pleased at all, but what I am going to do. The teacher and I clashed, which never happens, but oh well, I think if we were on better terms I could have done more?

Anyways, onto the topic of Samara. 

She is having a rough time, and having metldowns frequntly. Her behavior is so bad, that I am almost unable to leave the house without back up. I have her thrashing about and juggle baby man. She is so upset lately, and violent, and out of control in the moment, that I have no idea what is going on with her. 

She even tried to run away from home this weekend… 

It breaks my heart really. She struggles so much with it all, and I can’t help her. I am at my wits end with it all, and I wish I had better answers. Maybe it is just growing pains? I don’t know. 

On days like this I hate autism. I hate that our world doesn’t fit with her, and that I don’t understand her like I wish I could. I would never change her, but I didn’t sign up for this. There is a poem something about welcome to Holland. It fits right now. Even though I didn’t sign up for this, I do love, I don’t want to change her I just wish life were easier for her. She is my baby girl, and always will be. 

Everything lately is hard on me, more than I am willing to admit I have begun to get headaches which are progressing into migranes from the stress of everything. I guess it is my body reacting more than I had thought.

baby man continues to be a baby man. I love him so. Him and his sister are beginging to be friends, and fight all at the same time. It’s cute really.

And with that it’s bedtime right? Oh so sleepy….