October 15th

 It’s October   15th, which means it is National Infant loss remeberance day. 

It is a dreary drizzly day here.

Knowing at some point in life i Have three children I never got to feel kick, or see or hold is something that still tugs on my heart. The pain isn’t nearly as bad now, having my own children eases so much of it. 

But I do remember them. I do love them, I am there mom wheter they were mine for a few weeks or for longer. They will always be a part of me. They say a mom always carries their children with them. Well they have proven that every child she has carried dna is imprinted in her body. Its true I suppose.

Although I miss them, and still wonder what could have been. I know if I had them I wouldn’t have the ones I have now. How could I not want the ones I have now. They are pretty awesome. 

Today was a hard day all over. The biggest was Samara says she hates school and is never ever going back. I don’t know why. I got no notes, and she can’t communicate well enough to tell me. 

My heart feels broken today. Broken for her. Selfishly broken for me somehow. 

Perhaps tomorrow will be better. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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