It matters

 This weekend it has become increasingly obvious it is time for us to cut all ties with his mother, and keep her at an extreme distance. My children will not be allowed to go with her unsupervised I don’t think. 

She wanted to take Samara to the movies and a sleepover, thats nice normal grandma stuff right?

Well they did, and when she came home she brought home a fish.  A blue male betta named strawberry.

I am upset about the fish needless to say, I mean who does that really? I wuld never send a child home with an unwanted pet. NEVER.

Of course I am an adult. 

She then told me Samara had a meltdown over not eating, she tried to force her to eat food Samara didn’t like, and Samara lost it. So what did she do? Spank her, and punish her. 

Uhh? I don;t think so, she is in no positon to punish my child in that manner, time out sure, take her home sure, not buy her something okay, but physical punishment for a behavior that my child can not redily control? No, she doesn’t get it, she doesn;t understand Samara or her mtovies. She went on this tantrum on how she makes kids eat whatever they are served, and she had to eat, blahh blahh blahh… Well guess what lady, thats not how it works with an autistic child. It doesn’t they don’t try new things not out of defiance, but because they can’t. Wether it be sensory, or an inability to cop with the unknown, some can not. 

I am so angry with her, and more me for allowing her to go. 

I am not allowing her to go back because it is obvious to me she is not an adult, and can not function as such, and does not have my child’s best intrest in mind. 

You see I have come to realize my mother in law has true narsicism, look it up in the dsm and that is her. SHe cares for no one but her self, and only does what what makes her happy for her own gain. Apparenly, my autistic child doesn’t fit in her mold of an ideal grandchild. 

You can simply can not punish a child for not fitting in your life right.

I have come to realize more and more that how you parent matters, how you raise your children maters. It maters if you hold them, it maters if you support them, trust in them, build them up. It maters that you keep them safe. 

I wonder what happened to her to have a personality disorder, and I know how she parented her children who both have personality disorders. I am earnestly trying to love my children, and give them the best childhhood I can so they don’t need to be in extensive therapy to fix what I did. And perosnality disorders aren;t fixable. I can’t knowingly do that to my children.

I guess my point is through all my anger and frustration is that, my choices matter. I am trying to do the best for my children, and it angers me when I see others destrying their children and grandchildren.

I look at the relationship that Samara has with my mother, a complete 180. It is a beautiful loving relationship and I value it. Sometimes it is simply better to provide distance, jsut because we are biologically related means nothing. 

 

  

 

 

 

 

 

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