Is anyone listening?

I feel like I am talking lately and no one is listening to what I have to say. It as if anything that comes from my mouth is simply white noise 

It is a horrible feeling, and I am not even sure if it is a fair assessment of what is actually happening. I am sad about a lot of things right now, and then that sadness makes me angry, and when I try to do anything to change it that is when I am not being ignored. 

Travis has been working, and it is good, and the money will be even better. When he is working it is always good. But this job call may be short lived, and I had to even cancel our anniversary trip.

Our anniversary, what can I even say about it. I want it to mean something, but what it actually means is well I can’t. I just can’t.

As for Samara she is doing well, really well. I still have no clue what is happening for Kindergarten but she is doing well. I went on a field trip last week with her, and what I saw was appauling. It almost concreted my desire to not send her to public school, the other little girls are begining to be mean to her. Then their mothers allow it. I think it speaks to the charater of their mothers as well. I wanted to scream at all of them, but I merely observed, my confidence is waivering lately. 

Sabastian is a challange, but a delight. We are indeed switching to private services where he will be receiving therapy 4x’s a week. His gross motor is close to 50% delayed now, fine motor about 15% oral motor almost completely. He also has sensory stuff going on, and I am happy we know sooner than later, but I am still upset about it. One child okay two kids this one is harder for my heart to handle. I am trying to do my best and be the best for him but it is hard. 

I still do not know anything about my stomach, and I have been having issues with my esophagus now. It is spasming and hurts to swallow. Like really really hurts. I went to the doctor and was told because I am unwilling to wean that I am out of luck. No one is willing to treat it. I am frustrated that because I beleive my baby has the right to eat that I am supposed to suffer. Why is there no common ground in the medical field even to this day? 

In good news it is finals week! Which means I get to spend all summer with my kiddos, playing, going to the zoo, and of course at therapy. I am happy about it!