ehh?

 Today went better than expected, I suppose, all claims were unsubstanciated, and thus the file was closed. 

It is good I suppose, I am angry about other things. I feel like my trust has been violated, Travis has lied about things, and doen’t feel he has problems, I have problems. 

Like I have said, all love and repsect I have for him is pretty much dead. How do you love someone who you can not trust? I am trying to maintain a friendship for being the sake of parents…. I don’t know, you know things just aren’t getting better between us. As a dad he istrying as a mom I am trying, but as a couple, I am so done.. It is a horrible feeling. 

He moved out of my room again…. I wish I could say this is okay, but it displaces the boys, and for the moment it is fine, but what happens in a few  months or years? Something has got to give, I feel wonderful about him being out of my hair… Sleeping int he same room is something that is too much. 

Am I stupid? Wait don’t answer that. I just feel like I am trying to hold it all togther and I wonder if it is all worth it. My days are filled with kids, therpaies, doctors appointments, school, papers, andhim. At the end of it all is it all worth it?

Oh, I did do some reasearch on delayed sleep phase disorders, and I do feel Samara may have one. I also know since it has always been present, she may always be like this, and no medication or treatment is likely to work. It is a certifiable disability. So, if it is something she has, we will just deal with it and move on. I mean there are so many worse things. I mean she is alive and healthy, but just doesn’t sleep well at night, but sleeps during the day. 

So, with that I ahve to go to sleep. I am so tired, and I spent too much time writting a paper tonight.