dark thoughts

I am struggling more and more with the dark thoughts creeping in and I am struggling too much to keep them out. I look around me, and the house is never clean enough, my grades never high enough. Samara and Sabastian are in near constant therapy, and just this last week Sirris managed to get second degreee burns on 50% of his palm by grabbing a space heater. 

My realtionships are in shambles, living with a veteran is too much too overwhelming, taking care of him is too much to even processs. I am pretty sure everyone in the house has secondary ptsd, which means we are all just screwed. My other relationships are struggling as well. In ways, I am not sure i know how to fix. All around me I see I am failing everyone. 

I have been to counslors, and they tell me all the same thing, I am the crazy one. I have been to doctors who tell me the same thing. Maybe there is truth to it all and I am the one who is inately broken.

I have been trying to write papers today, because they are all due. I  also turned on one of my favorite sad day movies. Same time next year, with Alan Alda. If you have seen it you might know its appeal. 

And, somehow we didn’t get paid on time this month, awesome right?