The aftermath of an addict

Growing up with a sister as an addict!

My sister is an addict, there is no nice way to put it. 

Older by 2 years I should look up to her, she should have my back.. shit our kids should be playing together I shouldn’t have her kids more then her! I have bartered Begged and pleaded for her to love us more. She didn’t. She couldn’t love her self enough so I set out to love her more . 1 sister who didn’t have another wasn’t enough. one sister fighting tooth and nail wasn’t enough.  2 parents fighting a demon that took their daughter couldn’t help! 13 stints in rehab 2 jail sentences didn’t help. Blood infections 3 gifts from god and life support didn’t help because she didn’t want it…. dose not want it…. 

I have lost my  sympathy for addicts  and I don’t want it back. 

I deal with the demon at my back every day, I call her sister.

I roll over to 4 am calls with the not again on my lips and the no no please don’t let this be the day in my heart

Don’t tell me I don’t understand the life of an addict 

Im the survivor of living with an addict 

I am the adult that still has to tell her mom it wasn’t her fault! 

When you are the sibling of an addict you hold on for the ride and hope and pray this dose not brake you.

that as your family ages and people pass away that you won’t be the last standing….. alone. 

you see the hope in your parents eyes that this time will be the time…it never is 

because that is life with an addict as a sister 

God gave me a sister because I needed a best friend I was not meant to be the only one but my sister made her choices and I can not change that.  

so don’t comment on how she’s sick she can’t help it or how its an illness STOP before you start 

ILLNESS IS THE CANCER THE VERY REALL CANCER MY NEPEWS DADS FIGHTING WHILE BEING A SINGLE FATHER! yes I love my sister and ill be here if she’s ever clean but I have no sympathy for addicts because I don’t have any left after  

2 heart broken parents

3 babies 2 of them born addicted 

2 single fathers 

1 child in foster care

1 single father with cancer  

and last but not least the disappointment of my 2 kids with a yoyo aunt 

I have sympathy for them the family of an addict not the addict.