Busy unreality

S and I walked Max while I let the computer save the video I have been working on. We walked out to the peninsula while the sun was setting. The clouds were that pinkish peach color and looked like the tines of the worlds longest comb. Something about them made me feel wistful, knowing that the sun was setting and feeling like there wasn’t enough time.

Teresa asked me to make a video for the memorial service for John. My inbox was flooded with photos (some 200) ranging from his baby pictures to pictures taken but a few weeks ago. It was overwhelming at times, knowing the waves of grief washing over so many who love him, knowing there is a gaping hole in the Universe that he had once filled and is now filled with confusion and loss, knowing that the barriers to death are arbitrary and futile and we keep death away with our mesmeric preoccupation with work or booze or talk or sex or…pictures. I hurt for my sister an nieces for the sudden loss. But it was also a study in the ways we interact, John was so gregarious, he was energized by conversation and intrigued by ideas. He enjoyed expressing himself in so many ways, including photography and sand castle building among others. He forged strong, long-lasting bonds with people and it shows, in the love, laughter and smiles in all the photos, whether it was with his children, his friends, his family, everyone. It seems overwhelming, almost impossible, that one person could garner so much love from so many and then be gone so suddenly.

This week promises busyness. I have made my reservations to fly to Seattle Friday evening. The memorial is Saturday and I will return on Sunday. It doesn’t seem real.