finding my old entries

Wow, that’s all I keep thinking after reading the things I wrote… 7 years ago! Especially because I don’t remember writing any of it.
It’s crazy how much has happened in the last 7 years and how much I’ve changed but also stayed the same. I now know that what I was feeling in those weeks, months wasn’t ‘normal’, I was struggling with depression. The entry in which I write about not feeling happiness daily should have given it away.
Obviously I still don’t feel like I’m the luckies person in the world every second of every day, but I do feel it regularly, and I do feel happy most of the time. That’s something I didn’t think was possible when I was writing 7 years ago. The best way to describe it is the feeling of not being where you’re supposed to be and although I couldn’t put my finger on it then, that is definitely what is was.
My doubts about architecture stuck for years, I changed schools for my masters because of it but did end up getting my full degree in architecture. I’ve been working as an architect for a little over two years now and things are good. I still don’t think it’s what I want to do for the rest of my life but architecture definitely is my ‘thing’. I love houses, buildings, thinking about how people live, interiors, being creative. I’m just not ‘though’ enough for the job I think.
I’ve been getting a second masters degree in education and even though it’s not been easy to combine school, work and a second job as a teacher, I really love it. I’ve been teaching an architecture class at my old arts high school for a year now and it’s great! I’ve always felt so connected to that school, the time I had there, and teaching there now feels like it’s full circle. I’ve been teaching along side my old architecture teacher and things couldn’t be better. It feels like this is what I’m supposed to do but that doesn’t mean I don’t wonder or worry about the future. My biggest fear is that I become too ‘comfortable’ as a teacher and that I’ll stop challenging myself. I wan’t to keep exploring other creative avenues while I’m teaching. Maybe start a small company, do some freelance work. I want to work on projects that are fun and meaningful.

My procrastination hasn’t changed, as I’m writing this I should be working on a school project, but I have learned how te deal with it and be less hard on myself. I now know how I work, and I thrust that.