NOTES TO SELF 6/20

I looked in the mirror and could see that I’ve definitely have lost some weight. Eddie tells me I look fine, but everyone else is very worried about me. I have been skinny all my life and was the subject of much teasing growing up. People can say the most horrible things and don’t even realize half the time that they are crushing my spirit and destroying my self esteem. My mother would always tell me that when I grow older I will put on more weight—Hey mom I’m 41 years old and I’m still waiting to get fat. I would rather be fat than skinny because it’s more politically correct to be over weight–apparently 2/3 of the US population is overweight.

I heard on the news today that Starbucks is being sued over the FRAPUCCINO

STARBUCKS IN THE NEWS

So taking all this in, I decided to go to starbucks and get me one of those fattening drinks–I don’t even like cold coffee drinks–but I’m desperate to pick up my weight again. I don’t want to have my wedding regalia hanging on me like a scarecrow. I was desperate to get the drink this morning even though I really hate going to starbucks, I’m so under dressed you either have to wear work out attire or business attire to fit into the mold and little old skinny me doesn’t fit into these fashion plates, but go I did. I live in a very upper middle class snobbish town so the Starbucks is jammed packed with coffee frenzy snobs I never realized it until I witnessed with my eyes the drive through to the starbucks has not one but two lanes for the drive through. Trying to cross these lanes to get inside to order was like trying to cross traffic on the I-5–caffeine crazed uppies not a pretty sight. I did take the challenge and paid $4.95!!!!

I think it would be cheaper to make my own protein shakes to fatten my skinny ass up–ha!

It was a Banana coconut Frapuccino btw yummy but not worth the money.

It is my day off today but the administrator keeps on calling me–I just want to crawl back under my covers.

there really is no relief from work not to mention I’m on call 24/7 with no on call extra coinage.

I really enjoy this venting

It feels good to let it all hang out and exposed

My wonderful Nurse Christine has prescribed Ambein for me but has advised only 1/2 of a 10mg tab for me because “you’re so tiny”. It doesn’t work very well for me I even self medicated to 10mg tab with little relief. My dreams are all stress dreams about work. Last night I dreamnt I was sitting in my computer chair swirling and scooting around outdoors trying to get to work but couldn’t find the building.

Note to self–hang in there-and don’t forget to take care of you Y.O