IN THE MIDST

I had a dream about Carl the other night, a monumental epic kind of a dream where days later the dream still lingers into my everyday thoughts and moments it’s like I can’t escape my dream and it keeps on replaying in my conscience ness. He has touched me in ways I will never really understand in this life.

Carl is one of my many Alzheimers patients. A sizeable man “larger than life” a man with giant charismatic appeal. You can’t help but not like him. He tells every girl she is beautiful. Now, you can’t help but not like a man who gives comments like this.”hey beautiful” makes me smile every time. I think back and fondly remember when the fourth graders from Mystic Bay elementary school came to our facility and passed out their lacy homemade valentines day cards to my patients. I introduced them to Carl. I watched how the kids reacted to him. Eyes getting as big as saucers, some coward down, some seemed a little timid, little girls clutching each others hands for moral support. He was so excited to see the children he tried to stand up from his chair, not quite able to stand up all the way, but the kids could tell he was like Goliath. Carl tried to talk to them but his words turned into a mixed salad. Not wanting to frighten the kids, and afraid of my gentle giant falling down and scary the living wits out of these young child. I can just imagine how afraid they were to even to step foot inside of an “old folks place.” I had Carl sit back down and I told the kids that Carl used to play foot ball for Harvard some 60 years earlier. I watched their eyes get ever so big. I told the kids to study hard in school and they could go to Harvard too–just like Carl. Not only did he play football but he also became a Harvard professor. (It’s ok for nurses to brag about their patients.) It was a beautiful sight to see the kids hang out and chat with Carl, the big football player. He grinned from ear to ear. As the children were leaving, Carl rose up from his chair and followed them to the exit door. The kids were in complete ah! Hours later, with tears in his eyes he clutched the cards. Such a simple gesture of handmade cards makes a profound moment for the old football player.

I dreamt two caregivers and myself decided to take Carl to Ocean Shores, he said he had never seen the ocean and this was one thing he wanted to see before he died-he wanted to see the greatness of the Pacific Ocean. I vividly remember us dragging (weekend at bernies style) him about 500ft to the ocean front. It was a beautiful foggy, misty morning bursting forth with everything mother nature had to offer us. It was a gift just waiting for us to enjoy. Carl was elated to bask in the Oceans majestic beauty.

“THE LONG GOODBYE”–as Nancy Reagan refers to, is the seventh stage of Alzheimers disease. Carl is in this stage now and everyday he becomes weaker and weaker. A person in this stage of dementia forgets how to walk, talk, loses control of bowel and bladder and in most cases will lose the ability to swallow. Instead of moving forward in the natural stages of life development the person regresses backwards towards infancy finally ended up in a fetal postion. This stage could last years. Carl has been on Hospice for the last 6 months. Recently, he developed a stage three wound on his foot due to his inability to walk correctly. He would drag his right foot which caused the wound. Carl had to leave our facility and move to a skilled nursing facility for wound care treatments. He is back now–finally. The other facility doesn’t specialize in care for dementia patients. Carl wasn’t treated very well. He is now under our wings again with caregivers who love him more than he will ever understand. We will allow him to die with dignity.

MAY CARL FIND PEACE IN THE MIDST OF THE FOG HE IS IN