Depression Groove

Blue thick duck tape stuck to our front door; not the garage door mind you, but this time the front door. I guess this means it’s a more serious gesture. Looks like we will be vacating the premises in 90 days. My husbnad finally was able to win the bid on three new home constructions, albeit a little to late and a dollar short. The financial damage is already done. So on May 15th at 10am our house will be sold to the cheapest bidder on the steps of the county city building.

It’s so unsettling to hear the dogs bark in urgency and me running to the door each time to see if we have a visitor, but no it’s those pesky looky loose salivating as they drive by the scene: aka our house and check out the goods. Really freaks me out and of course the dogs too. I suppose our house is now listed on some loser list of forcloser homes.

I don’t like to talk about our situation with my family, they all live life without any cares, Brother in law just bought himself a plane to hop over to his second home in Whistler and jump over to Tuscon to his third home. For them, Money flows like water out of a golden faucet.

Freaking dogs are barking again. Dear lord, I wonder what our neighbors think about all these cars driving through the cul-de-sac. It’s rather embarressing. I should charge them a viewing fee!

I’m REALLY not bitter, in fact, I take this as a challenge, a new adventure, a new chapter turned. Life has it’s ups and downs. It would be boring if life was predictable. I have a strong faith in my higher power, God, Great Spirit, my creater. This brings me comfort. I’m a good person who lives-loves-and laughs through the good and the very bad. I look up to the stars at night and see dreams of greatness, I kiss my four legged friends and know they love me unconditionally, I see nature and suck up her splenderness, I nestle deep into the snow and smell freshness, I hear the river roar and know that I’m not alone, I still feel small when I stand by the pacific, I snuggle up with my husband deep into the night and know everything will be ok

No more tears, I don’t like it when my eyes get puffy, not very flattering. I’m so over it, there is really nothing left to do except start packing up. I will plan a moving sale, sounds better than a forclosure sale. We will be moving to our cabin as planned. I will have to leave my present job, a job that brings me so much pleasue helping the afflicted with all variety of dementias. My Residents are my family and I will miss them beyond measure. This is what a cry about and what I think about at night when I lay there staring at the ceiling with my eyes wide open, I think about them. I think about how they make me a better person for being their nurse for the last 5 years.

These past months, I have learned what it’s like to live life day by day with limited income. eggs and ramin aren’t so bad after all it’s actually really tasty and I can get 10 bags for a dollar, turning down the heat and snuggling up in a blanket is rather cozy, holding my husband and spooning, I’m his instant heater. I have learned how to shop wiser, using coupons and buying the cheaper brands of food, although, I do have one exception: Quaker Old Fashion Oatmeal–can’t go cheap on this one. My body is worth it–me thinks so. My hair has seen better days, no more cut and lites. The young girls at work tell me it’s now in style to have your dark roots showing–who would’ve know, appartently it’s now the latest thing. Smiles all around. I don’t miss clothes shopping, it was always upsetting for me anyways, nothing ever fits me right.

I have turned off my looming depression and turned up my creativiity. a depression Grove as I call it You may have noticed that I’m making more digital layouts of the people I love and cherish, I have just spent hours an a girlfriend’s wedding dvd. It really is a masterpiece, I loved watching her watch the dvd. I recently completed Cowlitz Family Canoe Journey Dvd. I presented it to my canoe family and they were so grateful and touched. I will also show it at our next General Tribal meeting in June–a big screen! I want more of our tribe to get involded in culture activities.

Now I must start packing up stuff–anyone what any scrapbook magazines?