Currently

It’s been a while so much so that I have 2 or 3 drafts from a month or 2 ago that I only started. It’s like in my mind I have stuff I want to write about in regards to Mike but I can’t type them out or the thoughts becomes to jumbled. So I decided to start fresh with what’s currently going on. So I been on vacation at a good resort by my lonesome this week. My sister was suppose to come for a bit but she flaked on me so I’m like whatever, my parents could only come an afternoon. My dad was pissed my sister blew me off and said he was going to give her a piece of his mind because if her friend(s) would of asked her she would on ran and went which he is right about I told him if he wanted to but he shouldn’t bother. I been relaxing, catching up on shows, watching Lifetime Christmas movies, and other stuff. I have pads with lines to poems for me to write or finish writing and I have poems to type up that I bought with me based on Mike that I haven’t gotten to and don’t think I will. I have grief stuff to read because I am still going through it or stuck in it. I read a little about acute grief and integrated grief which I think I am experiencing a little of both because for the most part my grief is bittersweet, but their are those very few days that I want to cry or actually do. On this vacation despite everything my mind goes to Mike because he would of came and saw me here. I walked into my resort suite and go to the bedroom and I think like that is a good size bed for us or the bathroom has a good setup for some more one on one time together. My mind also goes to his girls because I’m staying close to Gaylord Palms Resort where they have Ice I told Mike last year we should take the girls there and he agreed and said it sounds fun (real bittersweet moment) I can’t help but think he could of bought the girls and we could of took them there. I still talk to him like he’s right here with me (you never know right). I still miss him everyday and think about his girls. Well till next time.