ups and downs

brian has pulled the disappearing act again lol.  no surprise there!  i guess he has not disappeared, its more that he is not initiating communication.  whatever.  he had apparently split his lip open after thanksgiving and was in pain.  i checked up on him and he said it was getting better.  but, i haven’t heard much from him.  i’m trying to be strong and not bug him or contact him first, but we all know i have a problem with that lol!  i did tell him aunt flow was visiting this week, so that might have something to do with it.  who knows.  he knows where to find me if he wants me.

on the other hand, i slept over kevin’s house thursday.  i had asked him earlier last week if he wanted to do something thursday and he immediately said sure and its been on ever since.  he is more communicative, still not initiating, but when i message him, he texts right back for the most part.  thursday was weird though.  he told me he had deleted all his online dating accounts (i had found that out when i stalked him though lol), and he was acting very much like we were together.  he made me a yummy dinner and then we went christmas shopping together.  i helped him find the toys his kids wanted since he looked totally lost in the toy section.  while we were at target, he was on his phone and said something about checking us in together at target.  then, he said he doesn’t like the idea of checking in places and doesn’t understand why people do it.  i told him how i’ve heard that it can earn you discounts at certain places and he liked that and said he might look into it.  then, when we were leaving the toy section (and everything was making noise since i had had fun playing with the toys), he said he was gonna make his status about how i played with everything in the toy section.  i like that he is thinking about publically acknowledging when we are together on facebook, especially since he is fb friends with a lot of the girls from the dating site. 

as we were walking toward the checkout, i said that the baby socks were so cute and he jokingly grabbed something and said it was cute, as if to mock me.  i told him to knock it off, he’s been thru it 3 times and i never have.  he said that was true then turned and asked me when i was having kids.  i said in a few years i hope.  then he asked me if i was pregnant!  oh, he had asked me if i was dating much when i got to his house and i told him a bit, no one new though.  so, when he asked me if i was pregnant, i responded "i hope not!" then, i thought he might interpret that as i was sleeping with someone else so i added that i was supposed to get my period the next day.  we checked out, and left.  he wanted to get ice cream so we went to friendly’s, got him a sundae to go, and went back to his house.

at his house, we sat and watched some of the football game and talked while he ate his sundae.  he brought up babies again, but i forget how.  he said he could help me out with babies and when i pointed out that he can’t make babies anymore, he said "you don’t want to have my babies?"  i responded that i never said that, but i’d like to be married and own a house first.  so, he said we could practice making babies lol. 

oh, i forgot!  on the way back from friendly’s he said we needed to go to the beach so i could try his favorite chipped beef since i said i’ve never had it.  i like that he was looking to the future with that comment and it definitely sounds couple-y.  he made several comments that night that were in the same tone, looking toward the future.  but, no talk of commitment or exclusivity.

overall, it was a nice night.  the next morning he checked that i made it home ok and that he had a great night and i said i did too and i hoped we could do it again soon.  we haven’t made plans yet, but i think we will soon.

kevin is a great guy, but i still think that he can’t give me what i want completely.  i had told him how i want to be able to stay home with my babies and substitue occasionally for extra income, but i know that we could never afford it, especially with 3+ kids.  its great that he is able to live almost totally debt free, and if i could eliminate my credit card debt, we would definitely have a lot more money to live on, but i don’t want to be the main bread winner either.  i’m not sure what the future holds for me, but i hope to figure it out soon!

sooo….it was a good week, overall.  i got a lot accomplished this weekend and i have a lot to look forward to this week.  getting my flat fixed tomorrow, caps game on tuesday, wednesday dinner with a friend, relaxing/working thursday, and a massage on friday!  i am trying to finish up my christmas shopping after getting my flat fixed so hopefully that will be all done.  then, i can wrap this coming weekend and just relax!  i can’t believe this coming week is my last "real" work week for the year!  the 19th-23rd is going to be crazy and i’m sure it will fly by!  wow!

hope all is well with you!