sweetest downfall.
July 12, 2009

heartbreak.


 

Wow, I got 80+ notes on my last entry. Thank you, to everyone. Obviously, I don’t have time to note each one of you back individually.

We haven’t talked in a few days. It’s been a struggle for me not to call him. I waiver between wanting to bitch him out and scream at him through the phone until my lungs give out, to begging him to wake up and realise what he’s done, and commit to making it better and making it work. I toss and turn constantly throughout the night with dreams of him.

It just kills me to know that while he’s not giving a care in the world to his family back home, he’s making plenty of time to still text/call this girl. It kills me that I trusted him to become a part of my boys’ lives, and allow them to get attached to him like a second-dad… and he can so easily destroy all of it.

The whole house is littered with all his belongings, and I’m left to clean up the mess.

The boys yell, "Josh is home!" everytime we pull into the driveway because his car is still here. Anytime I’m on the phone, "That Josh!?" comes out of their little mouths.

And the hardest part is, I still love him and I still want to be with him.  I feel like such a fool for trusting to give everything of myself to someone else, again.

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I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

I could say a lot of choice words about him. He has a lousey sense of timing. Not that there is ever a good time to cheat… but right about now would be about the worst time. You’re going through so much already with out having to deal with that.

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

🙁 Aw man. I don’t even know what to say. You and the boys will be in my thoughts

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

I’m so sorry. I mostly lurk and rarely note. But, I wanted you to know that I have you and your boys in my thoughts and prayers.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

From everything I’ve read about your relationship with him, you’ve been loving and supportive. Any problems he thinks he sees in your relationship are in his head because he wants an out now. He may (quite possibly) feel that the pregnancy happened to “trap” him and it’s made him color everything between you two in a bitter light. You’re strong. Look at your two boys and you’ll see it. No matter what happens, your friends (real life and here) will stand behind you and support you.

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

I just can’t even imagine. *hugs* I’m so sorry girl. I hope he comes to his senses. Maybe this explains a little more about the reaction with the car?!

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

you’re not a fool for trusting him, for loving him. it’s heartbreaking when you find out something like this & knowing that right now, you can’t see him, talk it out face to face, i can’t begin to imagine what you’re going through. *hugs* xx

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

*Hugs* I’m so sorry.

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

Gosh, I can’t even imagine. *hugs* Maybe somewhere, Josh is just afraid to get his heart broken and in turn broke yours first. xo

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

so sorry hun 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

🙁 still thinking about you and your boys. the loving him sucks, absolutely sucks, but seeing your sons so attached to somebody that wasn’t worth their time and didn’t respect their mom kills me. 🙁

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I’m so sorry sweety. I’ve been reading the last few entries and my heart just swells for you.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

I think its just human nature to trust people. Even after we have been hurt before. I’m soo so sorry. I hope for everyone that he does wake up before its too late.

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