car accident & completely overwhelmed.

The boys and I were in a car accident. It could have been a lot worse than it was, but it wasn’t pretty. None of us are hurt, and Xavier slept through the entire thing. I was at a stop sign that I thought was a four way stop (all up and down that road they are, and this intersection is the only one that isn’t. And I always confuse it. I wasn’t thinking…) and I stopped, and then proceeded after waiting and thinking it was my turn. There was a car coming from my right and obviously, he was going about 60 because he wasn’t supposed to stop. Luckily, we both swerved the way we were supposed to and what would have been him T-boning me, turned into my passenger side just being hit and me putting myself into a cornfield. My car was towed and I’ll know the extent of the damage on Monday.

Thank God I was able to "correct" the accident and put myself in a position that caused the least amount of damage. Otherwise, my brother and Gabe would have been hit, the other people would been hurt pretty bad. And literally, no injuries whatsoever. Like I said, Xavier slept through it. And Gabe wasn’t even shaken up. I was a mess because 1. it was my fault and 2. I’m so tired right now. It seems like everything is going wrong.

I just completely broke down the other night. The boys are just being typical boys. They’re a handful. They’re not unusually misbehaved or anything, because I get a lot of compliments on their behavior. But they are 2 and 3 year old boys, so they are a handful. Work is very stressfull right now. There’s 2 pending court cases for euthanasia "mistakes". I euthanised the dogs, but it was an error from the receptionists that cause the euthanasias. So even though I’m not at fault, I’m involved because I physically euthanised the dogs. Work is becoming very painful and nearly unbearable. My grandmother is doing really poorly. All the crap with Josh and I cannot trust anything he tells me, or anything he does. I’m due to have a baby in 8 weeks.

I’m >< this close to sending an email to Josh and telling him I can’t handle this with him anymore. To get the stress and worry of that off my shoulders because I have so much here at home to take care of. If this was just a matter of a plain ole’ deployment to go through, it would be one thing. But the fact that he’s left and started this deployment with me finding out he cheated on me, lied to me, and just tore me apart… I can’t trust anything he says or does. And I’m just putting myself through a whole world of pain by worrying about it all the time. All of that energy could be spent much better elsewhere.

I don’t know anymore.