a little bit of a pity party.

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Flight went well. Mason was a gem, didn’t run into any hurdles and my animals were still alive when I got home. My brother doesn’t seem to be moving out like I thought he was. He claims that the apartment complex needs to shampoo the carpets, but he’s "not sure" and was going to go to the office today… but didn’t wake up in time. Yeaaa. I’m not thrilled.

I went to our village tree lighting with my co-worker and his fiancee this evening. The guy playing Santa was my realtor (and my co-workers realtor, ’cause I referred him..) when Josh and I bought this house a year and a half ago. His MIL lives across the street, so we see eachother all the time and he asked me to come out.

I’m pretty certain that I’m coming up on getting AF back (I had it back at 6 weeks with Xavier. Sucky.) because these pictures nearly made me bawl. I look so friggen huge. I do have a few layers on, but I still look rather large.

When I was nursing Xavier, I could never get those last few pounds off until he was nearly a year and hardly nursing anymore. It seems like my body likes to hold on to all my fat while nursing in all the most flattering (hah!) places… like my love handles and stomach. I weigh 150lbs. I’m 10 lbs away from being what I was pre-pregnancy, but I was 10 lbs heavier than I like to be when I got pregnant (I will call it "winter weight" LOL). So I have 20 lbs to lose. I’m comfortable at 130. And when you’re 5’2" twenty pounds looks like a lot. And, I would never stop nursing Mason for pure vanity… but I hate the way my body looks when I’m nursing. I feel like my larger breasts make me look even bigger than I really am. I do not like these DD’s that take over my chest when I’m nursing. I’m usually a C. I don’t have a big frame, so it just looks… horrible. AND I cannot find a nursing bra that makes these monsters look halfway decent. Seriously, they either look smooshed and flat or just all over the damn place. And my size 8 jeans fit, except I have a horrible muffin top because that’s where all my damn fat is stored.

-sigh- I’m going to start the 30 day shred on Tuesday (December 1st). I’m not going to fool myself and claim that I’ll stick to a healthy diet while I’m off work. That’s just not going to happen. I cannot maintain something structured when I’m not working. Exercising everyday will be hard enough. But I’ll try to be mindful of what I do consume. When I go back to work in mid-January, keeping on a structured diet will be a lot easier for me.

And I figure if I get used to doing the 30 day shred everyday before I start working again, I’ll be able to do it in the mornings before I go to work. It’s only 20 minutes, and I should be able to squeeze that in if I am up at 4am. And just going back to work and doing my everyday job will kick my butt back into shape. I’m hoping to be at my goal weight or below by March. Josh is supposed to come home for his leave at the end of March.

Anyways… enough of my pity party.

I did some grocery shopping today. Tomorrow I need to get the house cleaned up and unpack my bags. I have a ton of miscellaneous paperwork to do for Mason’s insurance and a few things Josh needs done that he can’t do from over there. Monday I have a ton of running around to do. And I was looking forward to rearranging the house and turning Justin’s room back into an office… but it doesn’t seem like he’ll be out by December 1st like I told him to be THREE MONTHS AGO.

I’m just all over bitchy right now.