11/11/2009

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Happy Veteran’s Day to all those who’ve served, past & present.

I’m enjoying Arizona so far. Our flight went well and Mason did great. He slept majority of the flight. We visited Sedona the day after I got here. Very purty. I must’ve heard 10 times each that 1. Mason has a ton of hair and 2. that I’m so "brave" for travelling with him already. This seems like the easiest time to travel with him, since all he does is sleep. -shrugs-

Mason is a good little guy. He sleeps thru the night, only waking to nurse. Which I don’t really notice thanks to co-sleeping. He has a couple hours in the morning where he’s very awake and alert, and then a few other small periods during the day and the rest of the time he just sleeps, sleeps, sleeps. I love having a newborn again, but I really think I’m ready to be done with this part of my life. At no other time have I felt like my family was complete… but I do now. I used to never be able to even consider permanent birth control. But now it’s definetly something I could see myself doing. I’m just ready to move passed the newborn stuff and enjoy the older ages.

I miss the older boys like crazy. I talk to them on webcam a few times a week, and they are having a lot of fun with their dad. Xavier shocked me by speaking full sentences in Arabic! Both of them are picking up a lot of arabic. I may need to brush up on my skills in order to understand them when they come home. LOL

I’m 10 lbs away from my pre-pregnancy weight, and I had 10 lbs of what I like to call "winter weight" when I got pregnant. So, ideally I would like to lose 20 lbs. That’s hard to do when you’re sedentary and constantly starving from nursing. Oh well. If I don’t lose it before going back to work, I definetly will when I start working again and can be more structured in what I eat.

My mom and her husband left for Tahiti today. They’ll be gone ’til the 20th. So it’s just me, Mr. Mason and my sister.

There seems to be more "good days" seperating the bad days between Josh and I right now. Well, more like regarding my feelings towards Josh. We have not had one argument in months… it’s just been me on this roller coaster of emotions. I have to give the man credit, because he does seem to be trying. I guess this is just one of those things that only get better in time? Only in time can I see if his actions continue to improve. And only in time can I be reassured. This time apart has really helped me realise a lot of things that I did wrong in our relationship. And has helped me learn that problems don’t always get solved overnight, and that’s okay. Sometimes people just need time. Time apart. Time to think. Time to reflect. Time for wounds to heal. And it’s not all going to come crumbling down if you don’t solve it right this instant. And a lot of the time you could be doing more damage by forcing your partner to talk about things, or attempt to resolve things when they’re not ready. Patience has never been my strong suit, but I sure am getting better at it. If things work out between Josh and I in the end, I truley believe that majority of the reason will be because of this deployment. If it didn’t come when it did, I don’t think either of us would be working towards making things better like we are now.

This deployment has taught me a lot. And I think Josh, too. I’ve learned patience and understanding. I’ve learned that so many of the little, stupid things we used to argue about meant nothing. And I think he’s learned that even though he hurt me, I was still there… unconditionally. I don’t know that he’s ever had that in his life. Certainly not from his family, and it doesn’t seem like in any of his relationships after me (we were eachothers’ first serious relationship). His big thing before leaving was that I wouldn’t be faithful to him while he was gone, or I wouldn’t be strong enough to handle the seperation or it wasn’t fair for me to "have" to handle it. No matter how much I verbally reassured him, he never believed me. He doesn’t have a choice but to believe me now, because I stuck by his side when majority of other people probably would’ve left. And honestly, the deployment hasn’t been the hard part of all of this. It’s been all the other issues that weren’t resolved prior to him leaving. And then my finding out about the infedelity. If it were just the deployment I was dealing with, it wouldn’t be as much of an emotional roller coaster.

This has taken me over an hour to compose. Not because of Mason. He’s been sleeping the whole time. But because I keep getting distracted by… nothing. LOL

sedona is lovely 🙂 i miss phoenix already! xx

Glad you’re doing well over there. 🙂

I want to see you while you’re here! You can call or text me sometime if you want to hang out. My number is 602 386 7614. Im free pretty much all the time

ryn: I’ll actually be out at the happy valley town center tomorrow (which is off happy valley pretty near you, right past i-17 because i told cassie i’d go with her to get her car washed there. I think we’re going early afternoon so if you’re free tomorrow (thursday) we’ll be nearby. If thursday isn’t good any other day works for me.