Response to Graynss

Actually I wouldn’t consider not dating someone because you think they’re "dumb" the same as not dating someone because of how they look. Not dating someone just because they might be overweight or don’t look like what society says they should is just plain shallow. Not wanting to date someone because they’re dumb whether it be like a stereotypical blond bimbo type or because of a learning disability or any type of disability is different because that’s who they are. That’s part of their personality and what helps make them who they are. Looks can be considered also part of who someone is, but to me it’s what’s on the inside that counts. You should at least get to know a person before deciding if you’d want to date them or not instead of just judging them based on their physical appearance. I mean everyone has certains types they may be physically attracted to more so than others, but that doesn’t necessarily mean they’ll have anything in common. I’d rather date someone who isn’t all that great looking, but has a great personality and a lot in common with me than someone who’s really good looking and yet there’s nothing we can do together because we’re too different. So I guess in a long response, I don’t think not wanting to date someone based on looks is the same as not wanting to date them because they’re "dumb".

kirayamato

May 29, 2009

Agreed.

I can’t have sex with anyone who is unattractive to me. if they are very overweight or too old or unnattractive I get literally sick to my stomach thinking about being “intimate”. it is not a choice at all, it is a body reaction. a few flaws are fine and I don’t necessarily go for people that are “conventionally attractive” but I can’t be physically with someone who is in some way….

…unnatractive to me. I even get sick watching movies that have two very fat people making out or two senior citizens, whatever. Like I said, it is not a choice. I don’t consider it shallow, because I don’t judge anybody by their looks and I will be anybody’s friend no matter what they look like, I can also have feelings for someone who might not fit my criteria, I just can’t have “romantic…

…relations” with someone who doesn’t. I don’t get how people don’t get this. I mean I realize that couples are supposed to “grow old” together. But I always thought that most people meet when they are young and they grow into that, and maybe that get used to it gradually and still have sex but maybe not as often. and more people are overweight these days too especially in the US…

…including me ( a whole other story). And of course not everybody in the world is that attractive at any age, but I thought you know different people are attracted to different things…beauty is in the eye of the beholder and all. I just am very confused about why people don’t get my problem, because to me it’s totally natural to want someone I am attracted to. I mean most people when…

..they are teenagers and they see their parents or grandparents being all lovey dovey, they think it’s gross don’t they? that seems natural biologically to me. I mean sometimes they might think it’s cute if they are just hugging or kissing, but go too far and most teenagers would think it’s pretty gross. is that because they are their parents/grandparents or because they are older and not…

…attractive in the same way they used to be? maybe both I don’t know. but I guess most people grow out of that when they are in their twenties or so, but I never did. anyway, I have recently started suspecting that I may have been sexually abused as a kid. I am wondering if this has anything to do with my “abnormal thinking” (it’s not abnormal to me at all, just to everybody else)…

…I think my own dad abused me, and I think the last of it may have happened when I was about 7 and he was about 40. that’s a whole other story too. I remember as a kid thinking I didn’t want a “man”, that I wanted a “guy”. men who were too kind “burly” turned me off (like I never like old robert mitchum movies cause he was too “mannish” for me). it’s not that I wanted a feminine guy….

..or that I was gay, I don’t, I didn’t, and I wasn’t, and I’m not. I just wanted what I called a “guy” and not a “man”….that didnt’ mean that I wanted someone under age (I mean of course when I was a kid I had crushes on boys that were my own age at the time)…but just someone who was…. I don’t know how to explain it. then I think that translated at some point into that I needed someone…

…attractive to me, or else I was very very uncomfortable with the thought. I kinda wonder if since my dad may have been crossing the forty line about when the last of the abuse i think happened…if that had something to do with it. or if just the fact that he was my dad, he was a “man”, an authority figure to me, that I then started fantasizing about “guys” as love interests when I was a kid.

…teenager because they were ….seperate….from what my dad was, and maybe I wanted to seperate what he did to me, from what love was supposed to be, or something. anyway all this came back to bite me in the ass when I fell in love with an older man….he broke my heart then changed his mind one day a few years later and I realized he had passed “the forty mark”…the ironic thing is …

…he’s still somewhat attractive..I don’t know how men do it, it’s totally unfair they stay attractive so much longer than women who basically it’s over for at 40, unless they spend all their time looking for the fountain of youth. anyway but still i can’t be with him because it’s too risky, I almost took my own life over this whole issue before. so I’m quite aware that if I want to stay …

…alive and not freak out on myself and commit an act like that again, I can’t ever even take the chance. this whole story may seem totally bizarre to you. suffice to say I wish people would understand that what is totally bizarre to ME is two unnattractive or old, or obese people getting all hot and heavy and obscene. it is not pleasant for me to even think about…

…and I don’t really care if anybody thinks it’s shallow, or I’m shallow. I’m not. I’m a good person. I don’t judge ANYBODY by the way they look. Like I said anybody can be my friend, no matter what they look like, where they are from, whatever. But “the act of love” is another matter, and while it’s all well and good and idealistic to say that looks should not matter….and believe me when…

…I fall in love, it IS the inside, the soul, that I want, that I value, that I lust for even. The outside is just icing on the cake, not even that important, not as important as icing, lol. If I could just love a man that didn’t even have a body and was just a soul, I would do that, but that is not possible. so to explain…it’s really the “with” that is the problem, not the ‘without beauty’

…the without beauty doesn’t matter to me at all. well it matters to me just a little, I like beauty and cute guys, but it doesn’t matter very much at all. I wholeheartedly believe I’m just on the extreme end of what most people experience to some extent, which in most cases (maybe or maybe not in mine) is natural in a biological sense. I commend you for being so “deep”, but please don’t…

….that was is easy for you is easy for everybody else too, and that if they feel a certain way about something, that that makes them “shallow” or “bad”.