Just some thoughts…

Don’t pretend you’re sorry

you know you’re not

you just like to see me in pain

and i feel like i’m going insane

inside myself i’m slowly breaking down

and dying one breath at a time

it’s torturous, this life i have to go through

i wish i could end all the pain

but suicide is not a path i want to go down

at least not yet

so i suppose you’re harsh words and hatred

will i have to continue to endure

I wrote this a few nights ago. It’s very poorly written because I wasn’t really trying to make it a poem I guess. They were just how I was feeling. I was feeling a lot more too; like i’m feeling empty and hollow and angry and etc. And I’m tired of putting on this mask that I’m happy and having these fake smiles on a daily basis. I only do it though because whenever I’ve tried talking to someone they just don’t understand how I’m feeling and tell me to get over it. Or they get mad at me because I’m being cynical and pessimistic. I can’t really help it though. I often dream about things I wish I could be. Mostly I just wish I could be happy. Money and material things aren’t important to me. I just want to make enough to be able to support myself and my daughter. Sometimes I wish I was never born. A lot lately though. Man depression inhales vigorously!!!