i hate my life!!!

I hate my life soo much right now. I don’t really want to, but I do. And I hate feeling sorry for myself, but right now I kinda do. I just feel like nothing is going right and everything’s getting screwed up. And I feel so empty and hollow inside and all I want to do is cry. And I’m sick and tired of being around people who seem to have it all together as well as everything I wish I had. Things just seem to always go wrong and I’m tired of feeling the way that I do and having to cry myself to sleep every night. The worst part is people who are suppose to be my friends and people that are suppose to care about me don’t even notice how crappy I’ve been feeling lately. No one even seems to pay any attention to me at all whatsoever either and it just makes me feel so hurt and unloved and uncared about and honestly the only reason why I think I’m still alive is because I love my daughter.

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April 28, 2007

Hold on to that love for your daughter. I know it hurts now, but I think you just need to find at least one positive thing in your life and try to focus and hold on to that piece. That’s what I believe I’ve done in my life. When I was depressed I only really focused on the negative. I’ve since learned to try to focus on the good. ANYTHING good, it doesn’t have to be much. And the bad stuff is still there, but I keep it in my peripheral vision. Off to the side. I know how easy it would be for me to look off to the side and be utterly depressed again. I catch glimpses of it from time to time and it’s scary. I know it really sucks to feel like you don’t have any real friends. That’s been a good portion of my life. But they do show up occasionally, sometimes on OD, more than in real life. I hope you feel better soon! I’ll be sending you positive thoughts. (: