Feeling Down
They’re times, like right now, where I feel like I’m not any good at my job and like I can’t do anything right. I’m also afraid of possibly losing my job due to some things going on (including coworkers going behind my back and saying things that make me sound bad to my boss). I don’t know what I’ll do if I lose my job. I have $58,000 in student loan debt still and I’ll lose my 10 yr student loan forgiveness plan if I’m not working in my field. Also, if I lose my job, this will be the second time someone’s telling me I suck at my job without really giving me a chance and believing lies told about me. I don’t know that I’d be able to find another one. They’re other reasons too add to why I don’t feel like I can do anything right, but that’s also a long list. I usually don’t like talking about it because in the past, I just got told to quit feeling sorry for myself or to quit complaining. I wasn’t trying to complain, just trying to explain how I was feeling and what was going on.
Folks talking behind your back only indicates that THEY have a problem and are too coward to talk to you about it. Your boss, hopefully, got to BE the boss by being professional and observant enough that, regardless of what anyone says, he’ll judge you on your PERFORMANCE RESULTS. Also, he’ll notice who keeps coming to him with gossip about others, and who focuses on their job instead.
IF you ever were to lose your job, step #1 is not to panic; step #2 is to call your debtors and tell them what happened, and ask for a grace period, or for some kind of temporary break (forbearance maybe). And step #3, enroll with a temp agency and get a temp job WHILE you look for another job in your field. Sounds easy? Yep. IS IT easy? Nope. Is it POSSIBLE? Absolutely. If I’ve been able to do it, so can you; I’m not special and you’re worth the effort.
Which brings me to my last point: STOP LETTING OTHERS DETERMINE YOUR WORTH. It doesn’t depend on anyone’s opinion but on YOURS and your actions. Don’t give anyone that much power over you, they are not worth it. Whoever builds you up can be by your side; whoever brings you down can go f*#&$ themselves. They are probably jealous, on some level, of YOUR qualities.
BTW, I know you said it’s not what you’re doing, but you ARE allowed to feel sorry for yourself if you want; that’s a GOOD thing, as you are your first source of comfort. What’s bad is to STAY in that mode, so, as long as you know that’s not what you’re doing, there is no shame in having your moments.
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I hope the job thing works out, it sucks to have people talking (wrongly) about you – we all have things that we are good at in life, I’m sure you have many!
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