Bad/Wrong Timing….

I was talking to a friend a few days ago and he asked me how into him I was when we had first met. I told him that I didn’t know him that well, but I thought he was a nice and pretty cool guy. That’s true, but I also kind of had a crush on him. I didn’t mention that, but instead asked why he wanted to know. He told me that it was just one of those wondering "what if" or "what could have been" moments. In a way it was like a dejavu. This seems to happen to me a lot. Either I’ll like someone and they don’t like me until later on after I don’t like them anymore or they’ll like me and I won’t like them until they’re not into me anymore. I hate it. It’s not just with guys either, but with other things as well too. I always seem to get the timing wrong for everything. Back to the guy though, we hung out a few times and I really did like him. We could have been at least really good friends if it weren’t for the situation that he was in at the time. Last week was the first time I had talked to him in a couple of years and I really do want to get to know him better since I never had the chance to get to know him that, that well. It just kind of stinks that he lives far away from me now and it’ll be kind of hard to do so. I just kind of hate it when I have those feelings of what if or what could have been. I especially feel crappy when I think about my cousin’s suicide. I know in my head that it was probably going to happen anyways, but I guess in my heart I kept thinking "what if I would have told him I cared for him, maybe then he wouldn’t have done it." He killed himself thinking no one cared about him at all, but that wasn’t true. He was one of my favorite cousins and I did care for him and enjoyed spending time with him, but I never really thought about it. I guess I always assumed he knew even though I’d only see him once a year if even that often since he lived in a different town. It just really tore me up when I found out about it. I know they always say it’s not just enough to say it, but to show it as well, but I think sometimes it’s also important to say it as well. Everyone wants to hear that they’re cared about. He made me feel loved when it seemed like everyone else in my family didn’t care and he inspired me too. I actually wrote a poem for him just thanking him for all he had done for me and I was going to give it to him that Christmas along with a card, but he killed himself before I ever could so once again too late therefore bad timing. Bad or wrong timing really inhales vigorously!!!