What 2014 will bring for me

Well, January certainly is going rapidly. And I celebrated my New Year for the first time with my friends. All the other years I always celebrated at home, but I’m glad it’s finally changed. I mean, it was utterly boring. I only wanted to celebrate with friends if my mom had somewhere to go too though, else I’d think about her all the time. But luckily that was the case, so I got to party with my friends. It was not all pretty though, I had a little bit too much and we stayed up till 6 AM or something, at the end of the night I was totally wasted and tired I am NOT planning on doing that again soon. I could hardly walk and I didn’t have myself under control. I blabbered everything out. I was lucky I was with my closest friends whom I trust and where I shouldn’t be afraid to say something wrong, and that I could stay over there. The next day I was feeling like crap ofcourse. When I think back about those two days, I must say I was pretty lucky with everything. My mom totally understood and she made me some soup and made me drink lots of water and tucked me into bed at 9 PM. How nice it is to have parents. Meanwhile we have zero snow here, which normally isn’t the case. I am quite worried, it’s about 10 degrees in Belgium, normally it should be freezing. It’s really weird, global warming ofcourse. I am really wondering how long our earth is going to persist because sometimes I’m really scared. In general I am doing alright. I did have a breakdown yesterday, I think it mostly had something to do with hormones. But my sister has to study all holidays and her boyfriend is 24/7 with her and it’s starting to become kind of annoying. I see her boyfriend as some big brother to me, because they’re together for 7 years already and he takes care of me as well. But I want some alone time with her too you know. It’s just that I can’t tell her. She always gets mad because she thinks I do it to make her feel bad. And I know it’s just not possible to make some extra time because she really needs to study. And her boyfriend is her number one. That’s how I feel about it anyway. That is kind of bugging me yeah, and I think I’ll tell her when her exams are over. Meanwhile I’ll just have to cope with it. Also, I had to tell a boy that I wasn’t in love with him. And it kinda hurt. He is the sweetest boy that I know, he has been nothing but good to me, and for a while I thought I was feeling something too, but when I let him come over to my place I just knew it wasn’t that. When I’m in love I can’t stop thinking about him and I feel butterflies and I want to do nothing but be close to him and I just didn’t feel that. I didn’t want to lie so I had to tell him. It really really bothered me that I wasn’t in love with the sweetest boy ever. But I can’t choose my feelings, if it isn’t there it’s not there. I’m lucky he still wants to talk to me and that he wants to stay good friends. Yes, he is that sweet. He even keeps on saying sweet things even though he knows I don’t feel the same. It’s what I deserve, he says. I hope he finds the best girl he can imagine and stays with her forever. He truly deserves the best. Moving on, my future plans are enjoying life more (that was my New Year’s resolution) or as you could say it differently: worry less. It’s really necessary ’cause I am killing myself with my overthinking and worrying. I just kind of stop trying to read people’s minds and stop thinking the worst. Not easy, but worth the effort. I am also getting a sewing machine, I really really really want to make my own clothes and learn how to do it. I kind of think it’s one of my passions. I always think about what I am going to wear, I’m not just someone who throws whatever on. It is a messy kind of look I have, but I thought about it. I am also going to go on with playing piano, I am really making progress, soon I am going to start with studies from Bach 🙂 and if there’s still enough time for it, I want to start painting. Not necessarily painting classes but just paint from my imagination, see what it gives me. I want to keep on jogging and do it more often, because it makes me feel better, and go to sleep on a normal moment. And, ofcourse, finish my school and keep on doing well, because I already studied reaally hard for my exams before the holidays. Soo this is kind of what my life should look like in 2014, including all of these elements. You never know what else might happen though, I am quite in for something unexpected 😉