We’ll see where time brings us

It was a long time ago that I felt so immensly bad. I can’t even put it into words, because every word that I could use is just too softly expressed. I mean yesterday, not today. Yesterday  was just… Really, trying to keep my head up above instead of going under. I tried but at the end of the day, I broke down. I cried and cried and cried and cried. My mom had to comfort me all the time but I kept on crying. Because I was so afraid that my boyfriend wanted to break up. And I would automatically blame myself for it. And at that moment, I realized how much I love him. He doesn’t have a clue. He didn’t text me at all yesterday and he never does that. He always texts a little bit every day. And that’s why I got so worried. You will all think: ‘Why didn’t you text him then?’ Well because he told me Saturday he didn’t want to text anymore everyday because we’ll get tired of eachother easier if we do that. And I know he said that, but I was just scared that he’d break up with me because maybe he used that as an excuse just because he didn’t want to text anymore till today so he could break up with me and didn’t have to act sweet to me over the phone. I know I’m very paranoia at times. But that’s just because I’m so insecure. Now, I told him today how scared I was, I litteraly couldn’t sleep this night. I couldn’t. I got pain in my belly and was all freaked out and couldn’t stop thinking about him and how about all the moments we shared wont ever come back. He also didn’t have a clue of that. He was sorry and he didn’t wanted me to feel this way at all. I asked him if he still really loved me, and that if that wasn’t the case, he should just tell it and not wait a few weeks or whatever to tell me. When he said he did still love me very much, and that that didn’t have anything to do with it, a huge load fell off my shoulders. And today at school, he was sweet as usual, making me laugh, as usual, making me feel the prettiest girl as usual. The only I thing I find that sucks right now, is that I feel a huge urge to text him ’cause I miss him very much but I just can’t because I’m afraid that he just doesn’t feel like texting at all. And it’s so weird because he used to text me everyday, and now all of a sudden, he doesn’t anymore. And it just sucks. I’m all alone right now and I feel lonely and I want to text him. But I can’t. And I really am going to tell him tomorrow that I don’t really feel 100% comfortable with this. I want to be more with him than just at school. School, is like a couple of hours. I want to see him out of school too. And just.. I don’t know I am really hoping that he’ll text me tonight saying he can’t do this anymore and that he misses me. But I think the chances are one on a million. Okay that’s a little overreacted maybe but still, I don’t think he’d do that. I just miss him and I love him and I know he loves me too very much. I can see it in his eyes. But why am I so scared he’ll leave me when I know that? I’m just very confused. And I miss him. And I would just want him to be with me right now. And it sucks