same old circle

Because the same thoughts keep on running in circles through my mind over and over again, I thought why not try to write it out a little bit and maybe get some advice too. Since the breakup I noticed from myself that my self-esteem has kind of hit rock bottom. I have periods that I’m good again, but I also have periods that I feel horrible. One of those horrible periods was today. I don’t know why, I just see myself differently than all the people around me do, in a negative way. I really would do anything to see myself from a more positive perspective, but it’s like I can’t do anything about it. My self-esteem depends very much on what other people think of me and that’s something that I’ve always had. I need people to give me the confirmation that I’m doing good, that they find me nice, sweet, that I’m this or that. I know that’s not good at all, but what can I do to stop it? I’ve tried a lot of times not to care about it, but I don’t have an on/off button in my head. Especially now I broke up I need that confirmation because I don’t have anyone anymore who tells me they love me and who I can text with all day and who I can hold hands with and so on… So it all comes down to it that I’m a person who needs affection and sweet words from others so I can feel loved. That’s it actually. And I’m afraid this will be something that will stay with me for the rest of my life because I have had this ever since I can remember, ofcourse not as bad as now, but it’s not something that I just got. Maybe, it will get better when I grow older, at least I hope so. In the meantime, I try to stop overthinking my breakup and my self-esteem and I have to enjoy life more, it seems like I have forgotten to, like I only kept on focussing on what’s bad in my life and try to push that away instead of just looking at what IS good. Sounds a little sad right? But I think it’s about time that my sadness period is over. It’s time to enjoy it all again and not get my mood based on stupid little things. Now I hope I found a place to put my thoughts in and let them stay there.. 🙂

Samtastic

February 7, 2013

Firstly, thank you so much for responding to my note-sometimes the support of a perfect stranger is all you need to give your head a shake and recenter. That being said, I’d like to let you know that while looking for self-gratification from others isn’t healthy it’s part of growing up. “The race is long, but in the end it’s only with yourself”. I was absolutely where you are when I was your age,

and as long as you keep searching for the answers, you will find the love in yourself that you are searching for. It is an ongoing and probably never-ending process, but the important part is to be self-aware, acknowledge your feelings, engage them(even the not-so-nice ones), and be gentle with yourself. Breakups are never easy;you have to break up with a lifestyle AND a partner, but its all

part of your own personal journey. Without the bad times, we cannot truly appreciate the good. You sound like a very intuitive person with a lot more depth than most people your age. It may not serve you the way you want it to now, but I promise you it will as you continue to search. Sending you lots of positive thoughts and my best wishes. Be true to you, and you’re going to be just fine 🙂 xo