Lost
I feel like I’m losing myself. Not just being off the right path for a little, but like really losing myself at a lot of aspects. I don’t know what music I like anymore. I’m stuck between what I really like and what I think others will like that I like. I don’t know what to wear anymore, I’m stuck between wearing what I really love and wearing stuff that people couldn’t almost say anything wrong about. I’m stuck between having my own opinion and just going with the crowd to not cause any trouble or weird looks. It’s getting bad. I shouldn’t lose my individuality and I know that well enough. I started losing it when I started analyzing people’s reactions on my choices of music, clothes, opinions and when I saw that they weren’t good. I get compliments sometimes, and I should learn to focus more on that instead of remembering everything bad everyone has said about me. There’s this one friend and she always has something to say at what I find. Not in a good way. She makes me feel as little as possible. I told her once I noticed she did that and she said she didn’t do it on purpose. Why does it still hit me so much every time then? Just lately I notice everything and now more than ever I am searching for approval and acceptance from everyone in my surroundings. Why is that? Why do I and others probably too need that so badly? We want to be liked. But why do we choose being liked over being ourselves? At least, that’s what I am doing and I’m not proud of it. I feel weak. I want to be strong, I want to for once not care what someone else thinks about me and not care about eyes staring, I want to be myself and be proud of it. Am I ever going to be that, how do I find myself again and can you do that if you really want to? Those are my questions right now.
In 7th grade, I realized that I didn’t want people to know a fake me. I needed people to know the real me so I could have friends that know the real me. I stopped following everyone else and now, people know what I really like. Being ourselves is what makes us UNIQUE INDIVIDUALS. So you should be YOU. If people don’t like what you really like, then let them be.
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Be yourself and surround yourself with people who support you. The friend who’s critical of you is probably critical of herself and projecting that on you. If I were you, I’d call her on it every time and if she doesn’t quit it, phase her out since she’s not able to be a good friend to you at this point in her life.
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This is such an important part of development because you’re choosing who you want to be, and also trying to balance what it means to fit in with others. It’s a huge step towards adulthood. and there’s no right answer, really, it’s all about balance. to make friends and get along, we all look for things we have in common and what we can relate to in each other. this is healthy and good. <br> To define our own style, we try different things, and sometimes that is to be different from others, and very different from what we are used to doing. It’s important to try these things and see what fits you, and what feels right. If anyone comments, you can always say you’re feeling creative and wanted to try a new look, and ask them what they think? people love to share their opinions (though you dont have to listen to them!). you can just say, ‘thanks for the feedback” and move on. or ask them if they’re trying anything new lately. 🙂 it’s a very friendly way to handle that, if you like. it’s challenging, but a very fun part of growing up and discovering who you are and what works for you.
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Now then, let me confess that this takes my breath away each and every time. http://www.opendiary.com/pictures/D953578p.gif (so very natural, and it stands up to even the most intense scrutiny. Not a flaw there, and I only wish it were centered ) Such a healthy glow… (and not far from life sized )
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I want to honestly thank you all (iNsAnE Mind, AuntieSocial, and Velvet) for your great advice, I 100% mean it when I say these notes helped me one of the most of all help offered to me. And to this sweet anon, you are so lovely 🙂 I just know you are a gorgeous person in and out, this really boosts my self esteem btw 🙂 though i don’t know you in person, i love you already!
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