Life and it’s rollercoasters

 Well.. I’ve come to a conclusion. Relationships are pretty damn hard. And I don’t only mean partner-relationships (although these kinds of relationships are probably the hardest), also all the other relationships you have with people around you. It’s just so hard sometimes. I do believe good communication is everything. If you talk to eachother enough about how you feel, what’s bothering you,… Instead of acting like nothings wrong just to not cause any trouble, that will improve your relationships with people already a lot. And that’s something I should try to work on. I’m a person who really doesn’t know how to express how she feels while talking to others. One of the reasons why I joined OD too. So that I don’t always have to stand in front of a person, stuttering, trying to express how I feel and just not coming to my words.

Here, I can do it a lot better because I’m not under pressure of saying something and I can think a little bit. But, this can’t be an escape all the time either, cause that won’t solve my struggles in real life. I don’t know yet how to improve my communication, first thing I should stop with, I guess, is withhold all my feelings. I do that quite a lot. Because, I think: "Nobody would care anyway and I would only bother them." Or, that I would make things worse by telling how I feel. Or that they will misuse the fact that I show my insecurities and my feelings and use that to hurt me.

I know these are all paranoia feelings, I just don’t like getting hurt because I care way too much about others so I get too easily hurt as a consequence. That’s just in my character. But hey, I know I’m not the only one suffering from bad relationships in your life and not knowing how to deal with it. That already makes me feel a bit better. Knowing I’m not alone and that you don’t have to have it together 24/7. Especially not at my age. But it’s all part of the ride, part of life.