12/29/2012
So I’m seeing him tonight.. A mutual friend of ours is giving a birthday party and we’re going both. I definetely am going because I really don’t want to stay away just because of him. I already know like 95% sure that he’ll act like a douchebag. He will do everything to get me on my nerves. He will act like a little kid and completely childish and he will try his best to make me feel his life without me is great. I know that, because I know him well enough.
He knows exactly who I don’t like and who I like and he takes advantage of that. He’ll talk to everyone I don’t like and laugh the crap out of him, but I, I am going to try my hardest, my very very hardest, to have fun and talk to everyone there and especially not giving him attention IF he will act like a douchebag. I am still going to be myself though. Which he won’t. He isn’t like that, at all. But I just want to be prepared, so that I have some kind of invisible shield to protect myself from getting hurt by his actions or words.
I know I shouldn’t care at all anymore, but I’m not a robot, I’m human. Some people need more time than others to forget someone. I really loved him, so I have to pay the price by absorbing this slower because he meant that much to me. But he won’t see me sad, crying, or mad. He will only see me in a good mood. And I am going to try my hardest, because I respect myself too much (and I’m probably also too stubborn) to show him how hurt I am. He doesn’t deserve that. Let’s make him suffer a little now, because I’ve suffered enough the last two months, and really honestly said, I am looking forward to the single life, which I never thought I would actually…
I was reading through a few of your older entries regarding your ex bf, it is sad to see when someone is truly invested in a relationship and yet the other partner clearly isn’t as emotionally invested. You’re young but you’re wise with a good head on your shoulders. You have been through some heavy ups and downs in your life, which has resulted in your emotional maturity hitting an earlyage, you’ll become a very solid and independent individual in time, you may not feel like that now with the pain of heartbreak going through you. I’ve been there myself and I can appreciate where you’re coming from. You’re taking the right attitude to being mature on this one and not trying to let him get to you, however, if you’re going to this party, brace yourself for your emotions to race forth and be somewhat overwhelming, the heart always wants what once made it whole, the pain will eventually subside and you will move on without caring. You’ll never forget the kind of pain you’re going through now because it is a painful and very emotional experience, the difference between yourself and him though is that you will you use this to strengthen your resolve.
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if he bothers you, then kick him in the balls, lol.
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2. Your ex on the other hand will continue to live in a naive world for a while, maybe he will grow up, maybe he won’t; it’s one of those things in life but it is not your responsibility any more and as you’ve already so aptly pointed out, now is the time for you to invest in yourself and your friends. I won’t lie and say it’s all going to be puppy dogs and rainbows, you’re to much of a realist and too mature to know that this is something that will just vanish, but one thing I can promise you is that in time, as the weeks and months go by, you will wake up each day and that pain will feel less and less. I hope you do enjoy your party tonight, if you’re drinking, then don’t get to drunk because that could aggravate the situation and won’t end well, none of us are at our best when we’re drunk. Regards, G
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