You CAN DO IT!
Okay, so saying it outloud or in your head it might sound corny, or it might sound like "YOUUUUUU Kannnnn dooooooo it!"
But its something I’ve come to realize is true. I’ve always believed the corniest stuff was the most true. You really DO need to do that thing which you think you cannot do, just like Eleanor Roosevelt said. Smart lady.
I’ve always enjoyed acting. But, when you’re with a bunch of crazy (but fun) theatre people, its really different. You feel this pressure to be like them- be in peoples faces- making funny jokes- being out there and not giving a crap about what other people think… and being a TALKER.. Yes, running your mouth 24/7. I was worried all these things would not come into place… I’m not there… yet.
Its so nice to come into the building, and always get greeted, and given hugs (I was never a hugger, but im coming to appreciate it again) And just being myself, and answering questions.. I use to think soooo hard about things before I said them. Certainly, you should watch your mouth, and think about things beforehand, but dont edit, and dont restrict yourself from saying whats on your mind.
Today we did this amazing exercise. A breathing exercise. Often onstage, you’ll worry about who’s doing lighting, or a new prop that you weren’t using in rehearsal, or someone in the crowd that maybe even you invited and you want to impress them, or worrying about forgetting a line… Or, breathing in and out so quickly that you’re losing your voice and not about to speak all your lines in one breath. Or what have you… And I, I am very prone to anxiety attacks, just like my mom and brother.
But, by laying on the ground, on your tummy, and closing your eyes, and breathing in and out for five minutes concentrating on nothing but your breathing, you really relax. We also did this a little altered, where our partner would gently put their hands on our spines, about midway up the spine, and we were suppose to try and move it… When you do that, your intake of breath is a lot more, you center your breathing in your back, and your breathing is slower… again, I’m prone to take a LOT of quick breaths. And not through my torso.
When they say breathe through your diaphram, do you know where that is? 2/3 of it is in your back! So quit trying to center your breathing in the front of your torso. You’ll notice a difference in your voice..
Anyways, when you have this goal in your mind, you also think about how am I going to get this done? Whats the right way to get this done? Whats the easiest way to get this done? STOP IT! Yes, I’m not a major success yet, but what I’ve discovered, by talking and reading aboutsuccessful people, is that they simply follow their own path. They do it their way. Even if they are close to graduating- I mean look at Sandra Bullock and Matt Damon! Just a few of the many… School will always be there, and it should be on your list to finish, but go after the goal, take the opportunities you can…
For example- I felt that I had to finish my degree, and I had to wait until THEN to audition for say, commercials and whatnot. No, I dont. I can do whatever it is that I feel deep within my soul thats the right path. We all have our own. There’s no roadmap but the one we create ourselves. I’m already learning a great deal- trying to shape my raw talent into something professional. I do love the stage, and have a profound respect for it, but i do not feel called to it. And no, its not for the money. I really try to listen to my soul, to my heart, to God, to guide me in the path thats right for ME. Do I sound crazy? Perhaps. But you know what? Why should I care who thinks I’m crazy or not? The people who truly love me love me for who I AM!
And I dont have to be someone I’m not. I kept worrying about being just like Martha, or Melissa, or Jordan. I was trying way to hard to try and be someone I am not. Not all actors are flamboyant, and out there, and outspoken, though I can certainly be those things from time to time. I’m an observer (not in a creepy sense!) But, I am just the type that people think is sweet, and loyal, and secretly talented. But not out to make sure the whole world knows it; if they do great, if they dont, its their loss. Not trying to be anyone but the BEST version of yourself, is the only way to go– do try and make new aquintances, they could become great friends. Do try and let people know who you are. You can be a bit quiet or shy and still have plenty of friends. You have nothing to prove to anyone but yourself.
I’m about to turn 23 and I think I’ve finally learned those very important lessons!
By the way, my brother found out he’s having a girl! My baby bro is gonna have a daughter! I KNEW it! I’m so excited. Already looking up names for them before Dylan can name her; and his chose name? Mango. Yeah, so I’m rushing on that one.
AND! I got a job at Bed Bath and Beyond! A quarter less than what I was making, but hey, I only need about 25hrs/week. Much love!