Respect for my mother has disappaited

It’s to the point where I dont even cry anymore. I’m numb to it. All I feel is anger…… So, here’s the story from last night:

    I was suppose  to get off at 4, but there was t his big thing where Mary hadn’t scheduled anyone to close so they cornered me, but i wasn’t havin it cuz i see no reason to do them favors when they dont appreciate my hard work, and plus, i close all this week except this weekend i took off so Tenesha and i could go to UCM. So, i leave at 3:30 so they dont have to give me a lunch.

    I get home, and walk in and greet my parents. My mom tells me to come in. so, I do. She flips, and tells me to sit down on the couch. Whatever. So, she lays into me about the damn kittens…. again! Then she has the nerve to say i made my friend Ashley up!!!!!!!!!

  Okay- why in the HELL would i pick up two stray kittens when my parents didn’t want me to have a cat so bad, my stepdad took her off to his friends farm?? (he denies profusely, but there’s NO way she escaped!!! Sorry! Not an idiot here!!!) I was appalled and got up. She threw a hissy fit like a child.

    I came back, only to try and prove my point to them. But all she does in yell and scream. So i get defensive and flustered and forget completely what i need to say. She told me I’m immature, I have no respect which she deserves, and that I am weak.

     I am so far from those things its not even funny. Okay, maybe I don’t respect her all that much, but that’s because she pulls this crap….. But, I dont cuss in front of her, I dont take off without telling her where im going (which, i really dont have to do. im almost 21 for god’s sake) Plenty of kids take off for the whole of the night!!!!

      I am not immature. I dont know where the hell she gets that, but she always pulls that one out of her ass. I could be a Nun and she’d still call me immature. Maybe i hadn’t called that day. She’d call me immature cuz she’d make up some fight we had, or something. Idk.

    Weak? Are you kidding me? That’s the most proposterous accusation of them all!!! I’ve delt with NOTHING but betrayal, rejection, almost being raped, being molested….. that’s just for starters. She needs to back the hell off. I moved out, because of this, and moved into an apartment and ventured out on my own.

    Another accusation- I dont know the value of a dollar. UM, i lived on my fucking own and didn’t ask her for a dime!!!!! never once!!!! I did EVERYTHING myself!!!! She, willingly, gave my furniture for the living room. My grandparents gave me a table. We would have gotten our own shit, if need be. We, especially i, didn’t ask for anything. I can handle it on my own, thanks…….. I lived off cereal for two months, struggling to pay bills. I didn’t spend a DIME on myself. A total of $40 in the 6 months probably. and that was makeup and shit! NO CLOTHES OR SHOES OR ANYTHING!!!!!!

    Oh! and … one of my favorite out of nowhere accustions—- I dont know what stress is. HA! I dont know what stress is? Midterms, research papers, bills being due in two days that I cant pay for another 2 weeks, last notices, cell phones being turned off, my best friend gallovanting off without me(several different best  friends leaving me behind) Getting everything done at work and not making one mistake b/c if i do, they flip out (making sure customers are happy when usually they’re a pain in the ass. working in retail, period, sucks major ass) Dealing with my friend’s problems that they throw at me,famly down my case about even thinking of becoming an actress/writer, family yelling at me for giving my opinion. And of course, there’s dealing with past issues that can sometimes cause current issues b/c things arise that remind me of past events. and last, but certainly not least- my mother herself.

   My mother is on heavy medication cuz she’s like, psychotic. She’s psychotic, neaurotic and a hypocondriac. Things have to go her way. She said I can have differing opinion from her or w/e and i go ,"Yeah right! Anytime I tell you I think you’re wrong you flip out and call me an idiot and that you are wise and older!" She, which made me laugh hysterically, said she never said everyone around her needed help, nor did she ever c all Mark an idiot!!! HA!!! YEAH RIGHT!!!!!!!!!

   Oh, and she wonders why I dont "Confide"in her. She always is re-illiterating how she’s my mom not my friend. Why the hell would I tell my mom all this crap? The thing was, it didn’t seem like she was too broken up! She toldme i should probably pack my things and they’ll help get first and last months rent someplace.

   I go, "I dont have the damn money for an apartment, I’m still trying to pay off heavy bills, and i dont want your help! I’ve never even asked for it!!!! I would just go to California, even though I’m not ready!"

   "I’m sick of hearing about California. Just go already then! Buy yourself a ticket and leave!"

   "Maybe I will!" I storm off and take off for HOURS. I decide I will come home (I had went to my work and talked to my co workers. Namely the older ones, to get their opinion. They did side with me. And I was honest- I listed my faults but that’ nothing new- we all have faults. She’s the adult, they said. Theresea was horrified when i told her my nickname from my mom is "Bitch". Cuz she calls me one soooo often. At least once a day.

    She comes down and goes, "What are you doing?" And i go. "Going to my room." and she huffs and storms off. She’s been trying to reach me this morning but i dont want to hear her shit. She wonders why i have no respect for her…..