Knowing when its right and when its wrong

Today i went in for a day of training at the daycare, pretty excited at the prospects. I mean, working at a daycare you get to play with the kids, get paid for it, and have your nights and weekends off, and getting holidays off was easy since kids are generally gone. Well, turns out that this place isn’t as good as where I was working. Caroline’s house was built up, professional, with a good size staff and plenty of children. I felt good off the bat, though weary and afraid I’d mess up. People knew that at first glance, I’d seem a little shy.
  
    Well this Lisa had me sign this one sheet, and I thought I was suppose to read through it. I found some of her notes on me saying I’m "Cold" and she "cant get a read on me" That kind of thing sends me flying- like at Worlds of Fun saying I was unhappy. Gah. Get the fuck over it. But in any case, I didn’t feel like it was the right place for me the entire time… There was a little boy who seemed to be having a hard time, but took a liking to me immediately and I made him feel better. But you cant stay at a job for a small reason like that.
 
     I get the feeling, and I know to trust my instincts, that its not the place for me. I told her over the pretense of checking my balance tonite and bills, whether i could afford to just do 19 hours a week. Well, probably not, but I just dont think its a good fit. And i dont think they think so, either. Whatever the reason, I guess I’m meant to stay at Bed Bath and Beyond. For now, anyways.
 
     and it seemed like she was making a big deal about time off, anyways… Whatever. Ugh. At least I tried.

      Last night Blaine and I got some alcohol cuz we had both had a rough, long day, and though we both had homework to do, we blew it off, had some sweets, had our respective drinks, and watching Knowing. That shit is actually creepy- i couldn’t believe it. Check it out. It got us into a theological discussion, and we broke out the bible, and discussed the end times, and what we think will happen (at one point, I did have to tell her to back the fuck off because she was almost lecturing me about having ‘fellowship’ and with all the bad experiences, I’d rather not attend church. I’m more spiritual than anything else anyways; my mom and i agree the bible is parables, and pretty much just a guide to live by. If you love God, and serve him and spread the word, you should be fine… but we all can agree to disagree) and anyways, we delve into personal issues, mine in particular, where I shared my angel story, and the stories about all the times i should have died.. It got personal but its good, because we can actually become friends that way. I know she sees us as friends, but i still see us as simply rommmates- friends know each other, the good and the bad, and still love you.

    So because I blew off my homework (studying for my health test and really working out my tongue twister monologue) I skipped Speech for Stage today, because I was nowhere near prepared. I need to work on it tonite and tomorrow. Deeply work on it. I took my test, and I think I did alright. I hope so.

       My sister finally broke up with her obsessive boyfriend, and she of course is seeing the reprocussions. Calling every five minutes, looking up her friends numbers, and calling my grandparents. Following her around school, etc. It had her worried, and of course my mom is taking it to new heights; now she has a reason to take Shannon to Louisiana. I called her today of course, and she played it off like its not big deal now. But, thats typically something she does anyway.

      So, all in all, now I feel like I’m slipping behind a little in school, already. I feel like I live in Forks, because it rains ALL THE TIME, almost everyday it feels like in fact its thundering and storming now. My sister is trying to play down the situation, my mom playing it up..and just basically, a lot to get use to, a lot to change.

     Hopefully that change happens soon..