3/8/08

I lost 3 pounds, so thats about 1 pound a day which is awesome. I think by the convention at the end of March, I’ll be pretty proud with myself….. I let myself go there for awhile, but im back on track now.

   It’s really hard for me, and has been, living in California. It’s fully the right choice to make, and so long as I push and shove and work really hard, I can def get that….. but… i have to start ALL over. NEW friends (since mel has ZERO friends) I have to find a NEW job (i just found a marshall’s in Ontario. I should have transferred dangIT!) cuz finding a job is like a freakin needle in a haystack and i hate it.

   I’m looking into being an extra, make some extra money but also work on getting some connections, and get aquainted what its like to be on a set. So when I do get that job, I wont be fumbling around.

    To ease myself, I’ve found some AMAZING music to listen to… I’ve found TONS of songs that i ADORE right now…. I’m burning CDS (since all my CDs seem to be scratched) plus the new ones…. its very relaxing..

    My stepdad told me there is NO salvaging my car. "It ran from the time you were 17 till now… but there’s just too much work to be done on it, and the fees would outstand its worth. it wont pass any inspection." So he’s like, donating it somewhere or something and they fix it up and sell it to people in need?

   I dont know… its like the time i was living on my own where he said i wouldn’t get enough of a refund from working so he should just claim me… well he would of gotten that $400 i NEEDED to pay rent etc…. niiiiice i know. thank god im smarter than that

  HOWEVER, though its a good car and i LOVE that car, I know its in kinda bad shape. When I left, it was starting to run down, I could tell. Now, I’m carless. And i HATE that feeling. Mel has a car she never uses b/c well, she never goes anywhere… but i HATE relying on other people…. public transportation is fine cuz mel is going with me and i will get to know the city and whatnot,but i know i really should have my own car.

     My stepdad claims he got a job offer in Fort Lauderdale, but he didn’t call back today about it, so I dont know if they are truly moving down there… they are usually a bunch of talk, so I wasn’t much of a believer to begin with. I have prayed, however, that they move here. It would be nice, although, i CAN do it on my own

 God….. I’m so scared…. I know I need to build up my immune system to put downs (as im accustumed to anyway but i need it moreso) Have a toned body, and practice my monologues…. i dont know what else scares me, but it also excites me….I know I’m in for quite the ride… but so many people believe in me, and I cant let them down and I cant let myself down….. I’ve sacraficed soooooooo much, and im risking soooooooooo much……