10/7/07

So, I’ve finished 3 short film scripts. I’ve very proud of myself. Although Mel will probably give herself writing credit, which, I’m going to have to talk to her about. She’s given a few ideas, but all of the dialogue was all me. This is an increasing problem with her. I keep asking her to give her input, or what she thinks should happen, but she keeps referring back to me, and what do I want to do? It’s hard to think of having to have that conversation, but it will have to happen. I cant keep doing all of the writing and her taking credit for it. It just cant happen. Sorry.

  Conflict. Wonderful. But that’s to be expected especially in this industry where everyone is always trying to take claim over everyone else’s work to get on top. But, so long as communication is good, conflict should be minimal. I would think.

  They are pretty intense, though. I was thinking I would try and do some funnier and more light hearted stuff. But you cant go in there thinking you want to write a comedy, because then it wont have a plot, it’ll be loosely pieced together and make no sense like Naploean Dynamite. which, i dont get. it has no point. but whatever, it was a cult phenom there for a while. Which, is sad.

  I just started working with this elderly women named Karen. She’s an Evangelist. She’s a little off kilter, but she’s sweet. She sang back up for Alan Jackson and has an impressive singing resume. She does some acting, not much though. But she tells me I’m gonna make it, just by looking at me. She’s setting me up with information I need, and places to head. She’s beginning to be a good mentor for me, for which I am extremely  grateful.

 I’ve been having a ton of De Ja Vue lately. I believe it was my priest, who, years ago, I asked why I had de ja vue so often…. because between 13 and 16, I got it quite often…. He says that he always would think it was God’s way of showing you’re on the right path in life… you’re exactly where you’re suppose to be….. I like that explanation a lot. I was having this conversation with Mel last night, and it was total de ja vue….. I also added that I thought de ja vue was dreams you had that you long forgot about as well…… since I dream quite a lot, it makes sense.

  My mom is becoming more accepting of the fact for me moving to California. Like I was explaining to Mel, I think she’s in quite a horrible conflict, and that’s why she’s so against it. My family hates this profession, and I can understand where they’re coming from. I think my mom believes I will make it if I try, I truly try, and she doesn’t want that Hollywood lifestyle for me, and all that it brings.  There’s a small pang of fear for failure as well, as she sees the passion and love I have for it, and if that’s taken from her first baby, and told she’s no good, she knows the terrible pain that will strike me, as the only real passion I’ve ever had, that consumed all of me, wasn’t meant for me at all.

   I’m finally letting myself realize all of this….. It’s ever the more important to keep my head on straight, and be grounded like I always have been….. it’ll be tough to keep the right persona, and not letting things get in my way and detract from my journey, or put me off kilter and on the life track I shouldn’t be on, lifestyles I shouldn’t be leading….. but I think it’ll be okay. I have faith in myself. and that’s the most important key of all. Besides drive.