Waiting…

Not something I like to do lol, but if the end result is good, then it’s worth it. I was hoping to get that confirmation call by now, but still trying to be patient. I just want good news for once, and I’d like to get that job lol. We shall see. Still praying in the mean time. I need to get out of the house, and eventually get my own place. My sisters rambles fuck with my anxiety. I try not to make it seem like I’m irritated at how long she rambles but it drains me when I’m trying to be alone in my thoughts. I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but they are so easy to touch I feel like I have to walk on eggshells. I’ll just keep praying for her. Mom too.

Anyway, I decided to download more songs from the Aladdin soundtrack to my phone. I love Apple Music lol. I liked the movie much more than I thought I would. I was leery as to seeing it cause I wasn’t sure if Will Smith would be a good genie. Like it was laughable to me for some reason, even though I love his movies and music. I think he did a pretty good job, though hearing him sing was interesting. I don’t think I’ve ever heard him sing, just rap lol. I think for what it was he did ok. I loved his version of friend like me lol. I hope to go see the movie again before it leaves theaters.

So I’m doing ok. Pretty much anyway. I feel like S is trying to keep me along as an option. If I hear from him at all, it’s good morning. No good nights though, unless of course I was to text him. I don’t really hear much after good morning, which are animated gifs, some with kisses, some with hearts. Some said good morning best friend, some good morning beautiful. If I’m your best friend, why is morning time the only time I may hear from you? If you miss me, why do we barely speak on the phone as often? The more I think about it, the more pissed I get. Not just at him, but at myself. I let myself be drawn in by him once again. He has issues and it’s gonna take God to fix him. Im a fool, but that’s gonna change. As time goes on, and I’m not feeling as desperate, I start to feel like letting it just fade out would be my best option.

I dunno why he can’t be a real man, but he’s not gonna get very far in life fucking people over. I just wanna get my own place and go from there. I still wanna go live in NC, but I need it to be it so I can live alone. I certainly won’t put more of my life on hold waiting for him or any other man, to get his shit together. I could have had what I wanted in life, if I had cut him off a long ass time ago. Whatever, from here on out, I’m looking out for me and my happiness. I’m cool with being alone if it means peace and happiness.