That would be a no!

You know, I’m flattered that men still find me attractive at 40. However, men that find me attractive are usually ones I either don’t like, or wish I never met after getting to know them.  I don’t really think of myself as super attractive anyway, but I do have moments where I feel confident enough to feel pretty. I don’t think I’m ugly, just decent. I dress how I feel but at the same time take care of how I look in public. I don’t really wear makeup, not that I really know how to apply it. I don’t really have the desire to get all dolled up just to go out. I save that worry for occasions such as a wedding, church, or a concert. Even then I’m subject to go without it. So yeah, what these men don’t understand is first of all your approach is important, I have to actually be attracted to you and not just physically but your personality too. You can be cute as hell and be a total douche. You can be less attractive and a total gentleman. I don’t care if your my race or another, what I want is your respect, among other things. Maybe I’m asking a lot, but at my age I’ve dealt with enough bullshit to know what I want and don’t want. If you call yourself trying to hit on me and I politely decline, take the hint and stop. Either  not interested in you, or I’m in a relationship, or I have no desire to be in one. Don’t keep pressuring me because that’s a quick way to get a no from me. In a sense, I like persistent men, but there has to be a balance. A healthy balance. Like don’t try so hard on the first encounter. You come off as creepy, and you’re only embarrassing yourself.

If there is something there, I’d still rather take it slow. Don’t pretend you want to be friends when you’ve made it clear in your approach what your intentions are. I don’t need any friends right now. I need time to myself. I need to get this S shit sorted out. I would not be able to move forward until this chapter is closed, so I would only be wasting your time and mine. I’ve done plenty of that in my lifetime. In the past couple days, including today, I’ve been hit on by men who can’t seem to take a hint that I’m not interested and end up embarrassing themselves. One asked how old I was and then asked if I was married. I said no and he asked why. What’s it to you? Who says I have to or want to be married just because I’m 40. He had the nerve to ask me what was wrong with me. I just said there is nothing wrong with me, there just isn’t anybody worth marrying. He kept with the pestering talking and I’m just like dude shut up and leave me alone. He felt the need to hand me a business card I’m case I needed grass cut or snow removal. I took it to be nice but it fell into the trash soon as I got home. Lol I do not like to be pressured, and I’m in no position to start anything new. Today I’m coming home from the store and run into my next door neighbor for the first time. He keep trying to flirt when I was clearly busy with bags and trying to open the door. Then he asked if he could put my number in his phone. I tried to politely decline but I had to tell him no. He kept on and I was like I’m not looking for anything right now, and he’s like well can we be friends. I said I’m good, he’s like you don’t need friends? I said not at the moment no. He finally got the hint and left me alone.

God that encounter was annoying. I seem to attract guys who don’t have a clue. I don’t mean to sound like a snob, but I really don’t have much patience for ignorance anymore. It’s not that I don’t want guys to find me attractive, it’s just where I am now I can’t just jump into something. I’m not even close to being ready anyway.  Just because someone likes me doesn’t mean I have to like them back. Shit, how many men have I found attractive that do not like me nor are they attracted to me. Only a few times  in my life have I ever told a guy I liked that I liked him. None of those guys liked me back and eventually married or dated someone else. I think at this point if it’s meant to be, it’ll be. Not gonna force shit or be uncomfortable just cause someone likes me. Right now, I just wanna be left the hell alone lol. You could say I’m bitter, but I’m also much wiser in knowing what the hell I want in a relationship. Most times I let my intuition determine if a guy is worth my time anyway, but I’m also very shy and cautious about who I let in.