Nojomo #9 Who made me feel bad?

or good this week? Well this week NO ONE made me feel good, instead they made me feel bad, if not worse than I had been feeling anyway. I literally spent the entire day crying, my eyes were puffy and my nose swollen from blowing it so much. I still feel “stuffy” and the puffiness has gone down, but still visible. Who made me feel bad? My asshole bf, soon to be ex. I will not get any type of apology, as he doesn’t feel he’s in the wrong. I get blamed for his money issues, but they were there before I got here. I don’t understand why he puts so much pressure on me, and not his son. I’m sure he talks to him, but I doubt he’s arguing with him or threatening to end the relationship they have over the stress of lacking enough money. I was hoping my damn school refund would be here, as of yet nope. Monday is a holiday, so it could be Tuesday before I see that money, unless they make me wait another week. I don’t know what the hold up is, they already have a reference number for it. I was hoping to use that money to go away, to a hotel to take care of me and the rest of my sanity. I may get paid early tomorrow from my job, because of the holiday Monday, but I have some things I gotta pay plus I need the cushion to be a bit bigger before I make plans. I feel so terrible, and I just wanna be happy. Wanna hear something funny? On prosebox they show entries from this time last year that you’ve posted. I noticed one  exactly a year ago (a few days ago) where I was speaking on how unhappy I was. Nothing has changed in that year. I’m still unhappy, and depressed. I have nowhere to go, so i’m stuck. I have to sleep in the same bed with him, cause I have no choice. I don’t feel like being here, but until that money drops and that new job, what do I do? He had the nerve to do his usually morning kiss and “i love you” before leaving. Why utter those words, you do NOT love me. You place blame on me for not having enough money, for not having a plan as to how to bring in more. I have tried EVERYTHING, and yet I still struggle to find work. I go to a job I hate everyday just to bring in money, and while i help out where I can, I’m constantly reminded it’s not enough. I never did finish the essay I was working on, so I’m up now before I have to go to work, to try to finish it up. If I don’t finish before I go, I will finish when I get home. I get off at 5. Anyway, I hope I get out of this situation soon. I can’t take anymore stress and hurt from this man.