Nojomo #13 Life….

Life sucks! I’m gonna try not to make this or every entry about my relationship, or soon to be gone relationship, but I’ve been so tortured with this. After 5 days of not being able to talk to him, it hurt me too bad to continue this silence. I tried talking to him, but that blew up in my face. I was told he won’t do anymore of that argument, cause the stress is starting to affect his health. Then this morning, I spent 3 hours in a stress filled text message version of that argument. It tour me up more, and he kept talking like he was ready for us to part, then would ask what i wanted and how nothing he does seems to be enough for me, or that I’m not willing to make the sacrifices he makes, and all that. I said well if you’re not happy with me, then i guess i’ll have to let you go. He went back and forth with me, bringing up that nothing has changed on my end, and that I show that I DON’T care, and we’ll just see what happens. Well I’m making that decision for him, I’m leaving. I cannot, this is just killing me so bad. I feel so hurt, and i’m tired of dealing with it, and writing about it. I could go into detail, but I really don’t wanna relive this right now in it’s entirety. I have the text messages anyway, if i feel like torturing myself to read them again. He said so many hurtful things, and does not care. He acts like I’m asking for him to give me everything and the world, when I was just basically asking to have US back the way we were when I first moved here. Since he’s convinced himself that I don’t care, he has stopped trying and yet doesn’t get why I seem to pull away too. He doesn’t seem to understand that because he started turning on me and blaming me for his financial issues over the past two years, that it affected how I act and talk and think around him. This just isn’t meant to be, and it hurts like hell. I’ve got to call this hotel to see what all I need to do to get in there. I finally got my school money this morning, so I’ll be using that to take care of myself and leave. I’m debating on talking to the ass about my decision to move, or just packing my shit up and asking someone else to help me move my shit. I thought about doing it by text message, but that’s a cowardly way and I did that in the past when we broke up a bunch of times before in the past so yeah. I’m not gonna wait and see what happens, when it’s obvious nothing is gonna get better. So yeah.

Anyway I will have to get started on some homework, but first looking up the info for this extended stay place I’ve had my eye on. It’ll suffice until I can officially get back on my feet.