Merry Christmas

So mine was boring, but it’s come to be expected anymore. I knew going into this relationship, that S doesn’t celebrate Christmas because of his JW views. However, cause he treats it as just another day, it’s boring as hell lol. So I requested a quick dinner, got a couple turkey legs and cooked some sides and that was it. He did tell me merry Christmas. I could have done a tree, as I’ve bwen told repeatedly he doesn’t care if I do since I do celebrate Christmas. I just procrastinate a lot lol. Plus I’m not sure how my dog would take to a tree with lights. (Fake, I don’t so real trees lol) I would wonder if he’d pee on it which would piss me off. Lol then again, he may be scared of it. Maybe next year….if there is one.

I am so torn right now. Things are good but honestly I can’t let the past hurt go anymore. I still think about that last arguement, most of which is still saved in my phone. So I dunno. Then I think about the lies and disrespect that he thinks I don’t know about. Why am I torn when I know what I must do, because it involves me getting hurt either way. I’m lacking the “how” part of this equitation. How do I move forward with my plans and “the talk”.  I’m tired of writing about this and I’d bet ppl are tired of reading (if they still do lol) but since this is where I need to vent, I’ll do so. Only a couple of my friends know of my situation anyway. I’m really stuck financially.

Then there’s the issue of school. I just enrolled in 3 classes for spring, which I think ends in May. I wanna at least finish this semester (giving myself more time to save more money too). I could transfer schools, but how do I go on living life as “normal” while I have to live here. I love this man, despite the bullshit, but I’m not stupid. I love myself more and I aim to be happy. Whether I’m alone or not, I will be happy. I don’t love the person he’s become tho, or perhaps was hiding from me this whole time.