I’m here….

now I’m ready to go. We just got to Indy this afternoon. I’ve been here less than 10 hours and I’m already ready to go. I’m feeling sad about the state of things with Mom and sis. Found my sis has severe anxiety disorder and she had a stroke that causes her to walk with a limp. What makes me sad is she and mom argue all the time and say shit to each other that really shouldn’t be said. My sis acts like the world is against her and takes to heart the mean shit mom says when she’s mad. I don’t get it. It’s like things got worse when I left. I love them both but I can never live with them. I can’t get with a messy house. I can’t get with the weird smell it has. I can’t deal with the constant bickering. I want them to move to NC to be closer but I hope I never have to live at home. I’d be sad cause things weren’t like this when I left. I am sad to hear my sis had a stroke. To see her break down over simple stuff breaks my heart. To see my mom struggle and work all her life just to be broke breaks my heart. She’s a great mother but life hasn’t been the best. I don’t know what to do but pray. I’m ready to go back home to NC. I Can’t deal right now. I wanna cry.

We are heading back tomorrow with S’s son. He’s giving me time to hang with Mom a couple hrs since she doesn’t get home until after 5. She works damn near 3 jobs so she’s always tired, hence the house mess. My sis isn’t much help in that area. I hate clutter and mess. This is part of the reasons I wanted my own apt anyway. I like my privacy and clean home. I’m gonna try to enjoy the rest of my time here. I hope I can sleep. I hope tomorrow goes fast so I can go home. Tho sitting for that long ass 12 hour trip back won’t be fun.

Anyway I’ll get off this thing and try to pray and get some sleep. I’m so glad to see Mom but I’m just sad at what I’ve come home to. I need Mom closer to me so I can at least be close enough to help care ya know. S and his son are sleeping at his sisters house tonight and will come get me tomorrow to head home.