I need to write more often lol

I’ve been slacking big time since nojomo lol. I had been tied up in moving and school. Well I’m all moved in, and done with school work for this semester. I’ll write more tomorrow, but life is what it is. It’s not the worst, but not the best. I want to move out, I want to be single, and I want a much better paying job with decent hours. I am tired of the only attention, time spent, affection I get, is when sir horny is ready for action. I think I’m worth more than that. I’m worth flowers, love, honesty, loyalty. No relationship is perfect, but no one should have to feel like If they don’t cater to their SO, then they think they don’t care about them.

Something that happened the other day that just didn’t sit well with me. Now sometimes ppl would assume me and S are married and refer to him as my husband or me as his wife. I never corrected them cause it wasn’t a big deal to me because we were planning to get married anyway. Even then, when it looked like it was actually gonna happen, and ppl would ask if I was his wife, he’d proudly say yes..or I will be. Now, it’s just “hey this is my gf” not fiancé or anything else. I’m not mad when he does it tho, cause technicalky im just his gf and not his wife. The other day I headed to a pub with him to hang with folks from his softball team. One of the players was introducing me and him and called me S’s wife. S quickly shut that down by cutting him off saying “GIRLFRIEND”. When the guy says it again, S repeated himself. I was then inclined to say “girlfriend” cause I wasn’t gonna correct the guy at first. It wasn’t that S was lying about me being his gf, it was just his tone that got me. Like oooh nooo, she is not my wife, just my girl.

It didn’t sound like anything a man would say about a woman he “claims” he still wants to marry. I took it as he didn’t want anyone to mistake me as his wife as if that was a bad thing. I didn’t bother asking him about that. And it’s just as well, I don’t think I even want to marry him anymore. I feel this relationship dying and the ONLY thing holding me back from walking away is lack of funds. As of now, I think he thinks things are ok, but we are about to have a talk soon. I can’t let go of the hurt anymore and pretend it doesn’t bother me that he doesn’t love me or care as much about me anymore. I can’t trust him anymore.