Here we go again

So, I have had a busy week, with two jobs and trying to do my homework. I was behind in one of my classes and used today to catch up. I did take some time for myself this morning, and did stop for lunch, but it took me a while to get to finishing my homework goals for today. So I lost track of time, and had not unloaded the dishwasher yet, nor did I take anything out for dinner. I did forget to take something out, but that’s not a big deal. Well, I was trying to get as much done of my homework before S got home because he’s a distraction, I hate to do homework when he’s home, though in some instances I have no choice. So he comes home, and see that the dishwasher is not unloaded and has a fit, then begins to slam shit around in protest. I said I’d get them, but he was like “they been sitting here all day, I might as well do them” Was the kitchen a mess, no! I don’t leave a messy kitchen. Furthermore, his son had been home since 2:30, do you think HE thought to see if the kitchen was clean or that the dishwasher needed to be empty. No, he’ll unload it every once in a while, but most times he’ll take a shower, then go strait to his room for the rest of the day. So I’m left to do it before I have to hear S mouth. And no, I don’t wait for his son to do it, but at the same time I don’t wanna be the only one taking the initiative to clean. His son is not the one who has to hear S’s mouth. S made as much noise as possible putting dishes away, and it distracted me from concentrating and i was doing math homework. I did good on the homework part, but the quiz after I did terrible on. I had a hard time remembering how I did certain problems. I am going to have to start back taking notes. 

So then I hear S on the phone with the market place health trying to get the information he needed for 2018, so he could FINALLY file his taxes. This fool skipped the last two years and probably had ALL his shit then, but he kept putting it off, now he’s scrambling to get his taxes done and getting an attitude at how long it’s taking to get here. Dumbass causes his own problems, then gets mad at the result. I heard him getting shitty with the people he was talking to on the phone, like damn dude what is the benefit of talking down to people. He’s that customer I hate to get. He then comes out and looks in the deep freezer to take something out for dinner, I asked if he wanted pizza, he goes “No, we ate out the last two days, don’t worry I’ll cook” Dude first off, I never said I wasn’t going to cook. I was 3 fucking chapters behind on homework, so this was my only day to catch up so I could take the damn exam for those first 4 chapters. It wouldn’t be so bad if he was understanding, but God knows that’s impossible for him. He’d been “nice” for the past few weeks, no arguments or criticism, but anymore I don’t take it seriously. I know at some point he will be in some mood and I get the brunt of it. I hate it, but it is what it is. I have not forgotten why I wanna leave that’s for damn sure. Now when it comes to his son, he’ll talk to him like he has sense, even when HE is the reason S is upset. Me, on the other hand, I get shit for being imperfect. My damn bad!! I forget things sometimes, it’s hard for me to concentrate, yet he’ll get an attitude if I don’t remember something he told me and will say I never listen to things he says. I listen and i hear, and then remember the moment when he brings it up. I always listen, I always observe, I’m just human I forget and with the amount of stress I deal with, it’s so hard to really deal with anything. Sometimes I end up tuning things out. 

I cannot wait until I am at a point where I can find real work and move the fuck away. I keep hearing that the store i work at, in deli, may raise min wage to $15, that would be great. It would help me towards my money goals I can continue to get caught up and finally be able to save money. As of right now, I am a few payments away from paying the lower bills off, and I am slowly moving my way up to where I only owe on one card, and eventually I’ll get that paid off too. I finally got my stimulus check at the end of last month and used it (along with my paycheck) to get caught up, and even threw some more in savings. When I get my school refund I am doing the same. Sometime next week I’m going to go print off the shit I need from school so I can file my taxes. Anything I get back from that is going to savings. I’m just so damn tired. I am tired of living like I have to walk on eggshells, that everyone gets to be imperfect except for me. I’m tired of feeling like I do not matter at all, unless it involves money or sex. Thankfully I kept my mouth shut about what I have in my bank account, it made it easier for me to pay shit off. Him not knowing what i have is a blessing. I can breathe knowing I can pay my own bills cause Lord KNOWS he wont’ help me pay mine. I have helped him on many occasion, but most times I don’t get anything back. SO yeah, and of course he still smokes, so there’s that money. I’ll be dog gone if I let him take money from me for that, been there done that shit. Not when he can sit there and say I haven’t really been helpful because MY income wasn’t steady enough for him. FUCK HIM! I’m out as soon as i can get out, I really look forward to the day I can do that. Then I can begin to heal and I have FINALLY have my damn peace and happiness.