Done with the crud lol

LOL that is changing addresses and all. I did the change of address two weeks ago, changed some things online to my new address, and just got off the phone with healthcare folks to update my address so I can get my new insurance card for next year to the RIGHT address lol. According to BCBS I won’t have to pay anything this time, last year I paid 1.57 a month (which was great) and even better now that it’s free. According to health care market nothing’s changed in my income, since it only went up .25 more an hour since last year lol. So hopefully marketplace keeps my monthly payments at 0, tho what I paid monthly last year is not a big deal to have to pay lol. S’s stupid behind forgot to mention his second job, so he has to call back and let them know that, as well as make sure the address on his was changed so he’ll get his new insurance card. Now that all the address crud is done, I can enjoy my “freedom” until next school semester. I passed all my classes, thank God. I got all the credits I worked hard for. I still hate my English teacher, and she will get a craptastic review on rate my professor lol. She along with the intro to business class teacher. I learned what I learned by reading and quizzes, but it’s “too easy” in that class for you to really grasp shit. It’s like she forgot she had an online class, and barely reached out to us. Most of the emails I got were job leads, which is fine, but when I send you a damn email about school work and grades, I’d think your ass would reply!! I stressed over a video presentation, did an outline and visual, and she NEVER graded it. If she did, it’s not reflected in my final grade which appears to be a C, according to her grading scale.. Maybe I got an A and just don’t know it, as my English teachers grading scale was a bit confusing. She was challenging as hell, and I’m hella surprised at the A I ended up getting in her class. Either way I’m just glad i passed that shit. I’m not doing (or plan to) 4 classes this time around. I’d like to full award amount, but trying to do 4 classes was a pain. I started out with 4, the 4th class was a late start. I probably would have been ok had not the storm caused delays, and S’s rants about what I wasn’t doing to bring more money into the house. I still get mad when I think about that.

He’s been acting decent lately, but honestly it doesn’t phase me much anymore. I can’t see him the same. So I’m still trying to figure my escape plan. He was a grouch ass today, and was shitty cause he was tired from not getting sleep (he’d get more sleep if he wasn’t trying to fuck all the time) after working two jobs, and running to help his son when he has car issues. I don’t ask him to do much for me, I understand he’s tired so I try to be accommodating. His son, not so much. He’s selfish and irresponsible. So I asked him what happened today to stress him out. He talked about not getting sleep last night, having to run to help his son cause his car wouldn’t start AGAIN, and then griped about having to take me to work. FUCK YOU! I don’t ask you for shit, and I try to stay out of your stress factor, but somehow I’m part of the problem. I offer to take uber, and you gripe about the money it costs, yet cause of your second job, I have to take uber more often than I used to. Not that I Ask him to pay for that! AND how many times have i had to take an Uber home cause he was sleep and didn’t answer his phone?? Yes i do need to get my license, but I’ve been so focused on finding a new and better job, trying to tackle homework, that i wonder how I’d find time to do that AND pay for lessons. Maybe I can do so during the summer, but to be honest I hope that by this summer I am not living here anymore. I need to talk to him about this, and what my thoughts are on this relationship, and how life is for me HERE in this expensive ass city. I need for him to know I’m not here for his sexual pleasure, while he still watches porn (not on my computer anymore thanks to safe search) and that lying and disrespecting me is not cool and makes me trust him less. He’s so arrogant about everything it’s annoying. I don’t want to wait and see anymore, actions speak louder than words. And lately, his actions say he does not want to marry me, and yet isn’t quite ready to let me go. I don’t get folks like him, but whatever. Whatever happens, 2019 will NOT be like the previous two years for me. If I have to move back to cold ass Indy, I sure as hell will if it means I’ll be happy and free again. I don’t necessarily want to go back living with mom and sis (and eventually I’ll get my own place) but at least I’d be closer to them to help care for them in case of emergencies. My mom was in the hospital the other day cause she passed out, something to do with her blood pressure issues I think. I can’t just fly home on a whim, cause every time I try to save money, something fucking takes it. I don’t like being so far away from her if anything were to happen. Also, I was hoping they’d be down here by now, but maybe the reason they aren’t is because they aren’t supposed to be here either. This city is way too expensive to be trying to live in by yourself.

I want to get married one day, but I will not wait for S to be able to afford it anymore. He’s had 3 fucking years, and now all I get are lack of money excuses. I’d love to have a child, but I DO NOT want one with him, and he no longer desires to have another anyway. I would have overlooked that fact tho, had the relationship not taken such a downward spiral. I hope that the next guy I date (which won’t be for a while) is the ONE, otherwise fuck it I”ll stay single. I don’t have to have sex, I don’t have to  be in a relationship, and I kinda like the freedom of not answering to anyone. Especially a narcissist like S.