And then realization hit

I have 14 days left til I leave for Indy. All of a sudden shit got real. I’ve yet to pack, not that I have much, but still. Most of my worry is where to put all of my movies lol. I have a week from this coming  Saturday before my official last day at work. Leaving for Indy 4 days after that. Apps for jobs will be put in soon. I have to call spectrum to have my internet shut off. I’m paying way too much for that shit, including late fees. I can’t afford it and I don’t wanna leave it in my name. I know S’s son uses WiFi for his games. One of them better hash out a plan to get WiFi for themselves. I need to find out what I have to do to get my school transfer situated. So much to do, not much time left lol.

I’m actually sad. I don’t like where this is going. I don’t like the fact that I have to leave. I’m relieved that this stress factor will be over, but I’m sad it came to this. Not even a fight to keep me. I don’t feel I’m worth much to him other than for sex. I wasted so much time waiting for him to be a real man. In that time I could have been married and had a kid or two. In that time, many of my friends have not only met their man, but have married them and/or had kids. This all while waiting on my turn. Even if he didn’t want kids, which he doesn’t, by now we should have had a couple years of marriage under our belts. However, I am grateful to God that we didn’t get married. It would have ended in divorce.

Pretty soon though, I’ll be writing about my whole new happier life and it won’t be about this drag I’m dealing with. I’m too old for games and I’m cool with being single for a while. Maybe one day I’ll meet my true mate, but I’m not in any hurry. I will live out the rest of this year happy as can be. Eventually I’ll get my own place, and hopefully a car. I still want mom and sis and I to move back to NC eventually, but in a different, more affordable city. I’ve had enough of Indy winters lol. Not looking forward to them. I don’t really wanna move back to Indy, but that’s where my mom is so that’s where I’ll be. I’m looking forward to being happy again.