Why Bother?

Dear Diary,

I am so tired. My feelings are so hurt. And, truthfully, I’m so angry that I could cry and cuss – if I wasn’t so tired. I’ve spent the last hour tending to R. who has been home and in bed since 1p.m. with sore throat and fever. He left work – his second day on a new job – to come home to an empty house. He called at 8:30 to ask me to bring home some gatorade.

The past day and a half…Arrived at MIL around 3:15 p.m. Monday. Plan was to stay the night and day to “relieve” my niece from the sitting duties that she’ll resume tomorrow. Just a little break in her busy week. Mom is feeling some better.

So, why are my feelings hurt? He doesn’t listen. And he had the nerve to tell me, “I don’t want to hear it”. I wanted to slap him silly. How could he say he didn’t want to hear when it’s so obvious that he doesn’t?? Fine. I haven’t spoken to him since – other than simple one word replies to his questions – I don’t want to be accused of being rude. Who is he? “He” is my husband.

I offered to stay with MIL. He decided to take vacation time to go, too. He slept last night on the pull out loveseat. I slept in the recliner. He took a nap this afternoon. I washed 4 loads of her laundry. How in the hell did she have that much laundry ? Obviously, someone hasn’t been helping her with it or she’s changing clothes 4 times a day! I chose to do it for her. I chose to do it according to my standards of tumbling dry and not frying clothes in the dryer. I hung items up on the shower curtain – especailly the sweater tops so they wouldn’t shrink. I organized her closet. I cleaned out the cabinets in the bathroom. I made her hot tea. I threw out stacks of newspaper and out-dated notices and menus. I called her doctor to order something for the horrible cough she had. When my niece (by marriage) called, I offered to babysit her 2 children (age 3 and 3 months) this evening while she went to class. The niece has been helping a lot with her grandmother (my MIL) and our staying was to give her a little break. My offer to babysit was an “extension” of helping out. He stayed with his mom and obviously missed the dinner hour because he went out to eat with the grandson (his nephew) who came to see grandma. He also picked up the perscription. I told him what needed to be done with the new medication. The lady who gives mom her meds said we needed to write down on paper the dosage and time to give the new meds. The other meds are in the pill case – set up for 2 weeks by the family. He didn’t do that. When I called him to let him know that R. was sick and I was getting the gatorade, I said I would pick him up in front of the apt. and not come in since I was in a hurry. When I got there, I had to call him -and then wait 15 mins. We left but had to stop and get gas because he didn’t bother to fill up when he was out on 2 previous trips. Then he stopped to get a coke float -and asked for a spoon. Now how was he to drive and eat? Yeah, I did offer to drive. But I wanted to nap on the way home. So I drove home.

We were almost home when he told me that he put her clothes – the ones hanging in the bathroom – in her closet. I asked if he put everything away. Yes, he said. I asked if he checked to see if everything was dry – knowing there was no way some of it could be. No, he said. Why not…..I started to say. He said, “I don’t want to hear it”.

There’s no telling what those clothes look and smell like now.

I made plans last week to go with my sister and mom and her four sisters to Lake Charles for a day of gambling tomorrow – actually later today. Found out earlier that they want to leave at 6 a.m. (rather than 9 a.m.). I’ll have to be up in 4 hours. I’ll spend the day with 5 women between the ages of 70 and 81. I’m suppose to help my sister drive. I not sure whether to leave my son home alone or not. I’ll be checking on him during the night – or what’s left of it.