Braver than you believe

It is a strange day today. It’s a long story but I will try to keep it concise.

Basically, since Chris left 5 years ago my relationship with my ex mother in law has been up and down. At first she totally took his side and supported him despite the many many MANY heinous things he did.  I did not have any communication with her for about 3 years. Anyway around 2 years ago Chris asked me if he and his mother could take the kids to Disney World in Florida (we are in England). My kids had never been abroad at all so I was a bit freaked out. I was like on the one hand I didn’t want them so far away from me but on the other hand it would be unfair to deny them the opportunity and also unfair to stop Chris as he is their father. He said it wouldn’t be for at least another year or two because they had to save up. So after some thought I came up with the idea that maybe I could go as well and that way I would be paying towards it and we could get there quicker. I said I knew that was a little weird but maybe it could work but if he or his mum felt it wasn’t appropriate then of course I would not stand in their way of taking the kids. To my surprise, they were all for the idea. So I said “great, price it up” (but to this day it has not happened). Anyway, at the time I thought maybe I should make peace with his mum if we were planning to go on holiday. So I called her and we talked and it was ok. Since then I have been ok with her. Not best friends but ok. With Chris’ sister, Kelly I’ve always got on with. Even when Chris she told me she knew it wasn’t my fault or decision etc. About 4 years ago Kelly and Chris had a huge bust up and haven’t spoken since.

So 3 weeks ago Kelly rang me to say her Mum has cancer. It’s early and operable and should be fine but still. No one wants cancer do they? So I spoke to my ex mother in law etc and that was that. H r operation is today. Kelly asked if she can stay at my house for a few days Cos she doesn’t live in Bristol and I said yes.

Well, today was the first time Kelly and Chris have seen each other in 4 years as they both went to the hospital for their Mum today. Kelly has been on the phone to me and said she’s being civil with him but avoiding him as much as she can. She said she was a bit upset when her mum went into theatre and he gave her a hug but that’s it really. So it will be interesting to see what she says when she gets to my house tonight. I have mixed feelings about the whole thing. It’s very surreal for me. I’ve been chatting to Chris’ sister and his mum about the whole thing but not to Chris. It must feel weird to him that his sister is staying with his ex wife instead of with him. It must do. It is what it is. He messes up every relationship he has.

My attitude is – his mum is still my kids’ Grandma so if she is sick it affects my kids and his sister is still my kids’ aunt. My kids refuse to spend time alone with him or go to his house so the only contact they have with his side of the family is through me and I think it is important that they maintain a relationship with that part of their family. I’m devastated that he has allowed his relationship with his own (my) kids to break down to this extent and I’ve done it everything I can to stop that happening to no avail. So if other members of the family on his side want to keep the communication and relationship going then I am not going to stand in their way. I’m sure my kids will appreciate it when they are older.

In other news, Joe had his SATs this week. He said they were easy. We shall see! It was nice to see him taking responsibility for his own studying and taking it seriously.

It is Lauren’s birthday on Monday. I have got her some new clothes, some money and a picture for her wall with her favourite quote from Winnie the Pooh

“Always remember, you are braver than you believe , stronger than you seem, smarter than you think and loved more than you know”