Hello Winter!

I’m sitting at my desk, wrapped in a shawl. This has got to be a first. I’m always hot – a “side-effect” of being so effing fat. It’s been so nasty this week – snow, wind, temps in the minus 30’s – I an actually feel a breeze through my window. Which, come to think of it, is pretty shitty given that this is a brand-spankin’-new building. Oh well…it’s far easier for me to warm up than it is to cool down. Like lastnight – Rob and I in our double bed (which has suddenly gotten waaay to small for us – hello 20 xtra pounds!), Billy the furnace kitty cuddled in under the covers and I’m pretty sure the furnace was at 25 when we went to bed. I.just.about.died. I was so hot last night! I turned the fan on that’s on the window sill – thought it would suck in a bit of cold air from the tiny crack we had the window open – it did more than that – I spent the rest of the night dodging snowflakes plastering my face. I totally need a nap after work today. It’s a perfect day to do it. Lunch at 1 at the Glencoe and then we’re free for the day once lunch is done. Hello nap time! I was going to venture out after lunch and pick up presents for the kids, so I can get them in the mail asap – I’m bailing on that plan. It’s too damn cold today and I have a few things to do around the house tonight. Jac is coming over after work tomorrow so I can show her where the cat food is, introduce her to the cats and show her which doors stay closed at all times. So, basically I need to clean tonight before she comes over and sees the squalor we’re living in right now. It’s not so bad – I guess…could be worse and in fact, if I didn’t give a shit what anyone thought of me, I wouldn’t be cleaning, but I’m not quite there yet, so vacuuming and dusting it is tonight. Plus, it will be nice to come back from Kamloops on the 27th to a somewhat clean home – except for the fur pit that will re-create itself in the week we’re gone.

So, what’s new with me since the last time I wrote…

–         My job was reclassified and approved to now be Office Manager. While I thought this would increase my earnings and feed an immediate need for more money, I was mistaken and this new title and more responsibility actually means I’ve increased my “potential” earnings. Jumped 2 pay bands, but because I fall in the low end of the pay band, there is no raise to be had now. It does mean more money in April, which actually gets paid out in June, so it’ll be a while.

–         I am now done at my part time job. (does a little dance). Now, the money from this job could come in handy given the sitch above, but considering Rob & I can’t actually map out where this extra couple of hundred was going, we figure we won’t miss it – we’ll see. If the store wasn’t closing, I’m sure I’d have stayed on (and continued to run myself down and be miserable), but it’s closing, I’m getting Thursday nights and 2 days off a week back. I’m not going out and looking for another job. I just need to find a hobby.

–         Our landlord lowered our rent by $100 per month which was a nice surprise. That’s been unheard of in Calgary over the past few years. I guess that shows that things really are changing. My rent went from $850 when I lived with Beth (same place we’re in now) up to $1350 a year later and now we’re down to $1250. I wish it would keep going down, back down to $850, but I’ll take what we already got – it’s a blessing it didn’t go up since we’ve been there for 18 months now.

–         I’m wrapping up my short term therapy this weekend. I’m not sure I’ve gotten too much out of it as far as skills and tools to move forward and stop these “episodes” from reoccurring, but I did get a safe place to cry which helped get a lot of stuff out. I have been referred to an out-patient mental health program – just waiting for the Triage nurse to contact me – apparently it’s a 3 month wait – I just missed the winter intake for group work and Psyciatric evaluation. Good thing I’m no thinking about killing myself anymore. (I write that with some sarchasm, but it was REALLY bad for a while there).

–         Hmmmm…what else? Not a lot. Just really looking forward to 2009. Having weekends back. Finding a hobby or hobbies – I really want to develop my creative side and nurture that little girl that was so wound about what people thought of her, she didn’t really enjoy creativity in her youth. I think I’m going to start with a coloring book

over the holidays – I love coloring – it’s so relaxing and gets the creative juices flowing a bit (more thawing than flowing). I’m going to give Scrapbooking a try in the New Year with the 2 wedding albums I bought waaaay before the wedding. I might start this by making some “Happy New Year” greeting cards since I didn’t have time or motivation to write Christmas Cards this year. I also want to do a bit of  furniture moving and a bit more decorating to our place in the new year. The main reason behind this is wanting to create a little space in our room or even the spare room that I can have a little desk, with the laptop and get on here more to write. I’m not going to say daily – I won’t stick to that. But far more often then once every couple of months. (which is weird since I read every day, sometimes up to 5 times a day! Reading others is far more exciting then writing out my boring life or the same woe is me, I’m fat, garbage all the time – I’ll work on that!).

Well, it’s off for lunch soon and then the rest of the afternoon to myself. I have a Jodi Piccoult book hiding somewhere at home that I want to start. Worst case, I can read People or Chatelaine – I’ve gotten back into that bad habit of buying mags and not reading….Must read K’Fed’s side of the story and Jann Arden is on the cover of Chateleine – I’d read Greek if it were about her. I’m a total Jann Fan!